This Recording

Chaos!

by Alex Carnevale

Things were crazy on Friday in Jamaica, Queens, New York. Actually things were crazy everywhere.

For some reason, come the last part of rush hour, no Long Island Railroad trains were going to Penn Station. People didn’t get that they just had to hop on the subway. For people unfamiliar with it, the New York transportation system in general is SO difficult and it is with this knowledge that I shall despise the Metropolitan Transportation Authority, and indeed any governmental organization, for all of my days.

John Grisham is pissed off, we are all pissed off. The guy wrote The Rainmaker, he’s familiar with righteous indignation.

“Foundations” — Kate Nash (mp3)No big deal, I hopped on the E train and was home fifteen minutes later. Meanwhile G. Clooney was in a motorcycle accident. Coincidence? Probably not, George and I are soul mates, kind of, we both like…um…music. And Kate Nash. Probably also babkas, Happy Yom Kippur you religious people.

Back to my chaos thing. Things are totally the drop of water dripping down Jeff Goldblum’s hand in Jurassic Park. Laura Dern was turned on. So was I. We all we are.

I mean, eventually everyone will also be a hero in addition to what they are. Jamaica swelled, felt like 9/11. The merest inconvenience is the new 9/11.

“Same Mistake” — James Blunt (mp3)

Blunt was then a commissioned officer in the Life Guards regiment, a unit of the Household Cavalry of the British Army. He rose to the rank of Captain and served as an armoured reconnaissance officer in the NATO peacekeeping force in Kosovo. He was put in charge of leading 30,000 troops into Priština as the first British officer to enter the Kosovan capital. It was while on duty in Kosovo that he wrote the song “No Bravery“. He also stood guard at the coffin of the Queen Mother during the days of her lying in State and was part of the funeral procession on April 9, 2002.

While NATO peacekeeping is the James Blunt of combat experience, James Blunt is the James Blunt of being James Blunt. He knows what he is, and in other news, his last name is a euphemism for a marijuana cigar. I also like Henry James.

Chaos!

In what other world can you say your wife is prettier than Bill Clinton when she’s clearly not? That asshole Fred Thompson said the same.

I mean, you’re a “soldier”, no disrespect JB, and then you’re a pop crooner. This guy would kill Idol, the falsetto on his cover of “Edge of Seventeen” would probably get him a date with Cameron Diaz.

“One of the Brightest Stars” — James Blunt (mp3)

“Annie” — James Blunt (mp3)

Actually, he doesn’t really need a date with that old thang, he has what appears to be the tall woman from Third Rock From the Sun.

What were the chances Fidel Castro was going to outlive Owen Wilson? That’s correct, ever since this Men’s Vogue piece made us weep openly, we have been pretending Owen Wilson is dead. It’s not too bad overall, but Zoolander seems really weird, you’re like, How did Ben Stiller not just win that dance-off, brother was running unopposed!

Fidel Castro can go fuck himself.

I was born like this, by the way.

My mother was telling me this story about how she bought me a bunch of books when I was 3 and I wrote my name in all of them, in a really sloppy way. She got very upset at the time. My dad had to be like, “Jo, why are you this upset about that?” My mother still feels guilty about freaking out on me like that. The only thing I processed from the retelling of the experience was that thought that if my kid did that, I’d probably be pretty mad, too.

Paris and JB had a fling. A good time was had by all.

I was thinking about what to name my kid today. I thought it would be funny if I called him Venison for some reason. I don’t know why, I don’t even like deer meat.

Paris Blunt would be a phenomenal name for a child, especially a hellspawn.

Blunt and Petra split in February.

Blunt stuck mostly with the soft stuff, and there’s a shitload of marketable singles on this album, to the point where it is going to be very hard for this one to miss.

The past is past, but I spent a lot of time analyzing the incredibly vague lyrics of Blunt’s classic smash, “Goodbye My Lover,” until we realized it was farrrrr more simple than we thought it was. It’s good that something so pop can still amuse us. In that same vein, Blunt’s “You’re Beautiful” has eclipsed Robbie Williams’ Angels as the number one wedding song.

When I was 14 (ooh Adolescence shut it) my friend Hernan and I enjoyed Robbie Williams’ David Letterman performance so much I played it for a bunch of people in an empty classroom. In hindsight, was I coming out? Not sure, nor I am sure if I am gay, probably not, but you never know.

“I Really Want You” — James Blunt (mp3)

One of my best friends freshman and sophomore year at Brown came out to us all; actually we sort of had to figure it out. He had this handsome boyfriend and was constantly making perfectly reasonable excuses to be hanging out with him. I was like dude, no need for the lengthy explanation…We ran into each other in the stairwell of Grad Center, I swear! I had to ask God for a mulligan on the time we were sitting around on a Friday night the previous December and I was like, “It’s too bad we’re not gay.” It was too bad I was not gay.

Perhaps a hottie like Kate Nash could have brought us together, she transcends sexual preference in her gingerness. She did not get made fun of in school.

So I like to give James Blunt the benefit of the doubt. He does what he does and he does it well or as well as one could do if that is what in fact…they were trying to do.

Kate Nash’s new EP, Foundations, is a largely different animal. That’s probably the 156th time I have used that expression, Derek Jeter would be proud of me, although he always is.

Did you know Derek Jeter gives people herpes? Do you think he’s proud of that?

I said I’d rather be with your friends mate cause they’re much fitter

“Navy Taxi” — Kate Nash (mp3)

Kate Nash is Lily Allen plus James Blunt plus all the credibility one rising up from relative poverty can muster. She also sings in British, which is sort of refreshing. I always thought Liam Gallagher was faking his British accent anyway.

Nash’s album is on the whole overproduced, at least in comparison to her early recordings, in which you could hear her producer peeing in the background. “Foundations,” the title track on the EP, could easily be a sweet track from Portishead, and while that wasn’t the direction I was expecting her career to go in, it’s a welcome one. Her stripped down solo spectacular “The Nicest Thing” is still a top track, I don’t have the heart to post it again though, I’m not that nice.

The nicest thing anyone ever did for me is as follows: One day I was walking in the woods with my dog Rosie. She saw a daddy longlegs walking by her, and she stepped on it with her paw. I was like, “Phew, Rose, good one baby girl.”

Alex Carnevale is the editor of This Recording, and clearly a very troubled individual.

Rose got mad pup pals on Dogster.

PREVIOUSLY ON THIS RECORDING

Molly Young with one of my favorite posts in our short and oh-so-hawt history.