In Which We Figure If Hell Is Other People Then We’d Better Start Getting Used To Each Other Right Now

In Which We Figure If Hell Is Other People Then We’d Better Start Getting Used To Each Other Right Now by Molly Lambert

October 1, 2007, 8:21 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

Just Out of Reach

By George Ducker

Death comes from all angles.

It comes for everyone, at some point.

What happens at my house when there’s only one game on and it’s the Chargers and the Chiefs and my roommate just beat up a 10 year-old to get a copy of Halo 3?

Simple. Halo 3 gets played, blood gets duly spattered upon the futuristic walls, and out in the real world Tony Romo throws for about four hundred million yards.

(Our living room. Two televisions. Hindquarters of dog optional.)

Bears fans got their wish as Brian Greise took the field on Sunday and lost spectacularly to Kitna and Co. The game was ugly, but a win in Detroit is still, unsurprisingly, a win.

I would love to start a rant here about how popular demand should never dictate a starting line-up, but with the hobbling numbers put up by poor poor Rex Grossman, it’s no surprise that Lovie Smith was forced to go with what he had.

Just when you thought the whole Patriots videotaping strangeness had washed over, this whale manages to beach itself. Some lunkhead is suing the whole team.

Jets’ center Nick Mangold has a blog too, apparently. And he loves Halo 3. Read more about what he described as the “greatness that follows Halo around like Linus’ blanket.”

Said greatness couldn’t transfer into anything resembling help as the New York Jets lost to BUFFALO in a game that was basically like watching two scholarship girls pull each other’s hair in the cafeteria. It was a sad affair, and everyone felt a little more guilty afterwards.

(420 + 1!)

But then again, everyone loves a winner. Because I’m a hopeless optimist, I’d like to see Fav-reh take it into January (or February—or March or whenever they push the Super Bowl back to this year) but we all know there’s little chance of that.

The Packers are 4-0. So are the Colts and the Cowboys.

Much hay was made of the Collegiate Bloodbath on Saturday, and with good reason. Down went No. 3 Oklahoma to Colorado, No. 4 Florida to Auburn, No. 7 Texas to Kansas State, No. 10 Rutgers to Maryland, (and on Friday) No. 5 West Virginia to South Florida.

Clemson’s Cullen “Yoknapatawpha” Harper couldn’t string it together – thusly an upset (13-3) to Georgia Tech and Clemson’s first loss this season.

The only man who didn’t seem to lose his nerve was University of South Carolina’s freshman quarterback and this week’s winner of the Booty Scholastic Improbably Named QB Trophy: Chris Smelley. The man put up 279 yards on his 21st birthday. A guarantee can be made that he was far from sober Saturday night.

I mean hell, John David plays for USC too.

(University of Southern Californication)

About the Broncos. Well, they lost to Indianapolis simply because I didn’t watch the game. And also, I have a new dartboard.

I can’t even write anything good about the Carolina Panthers, as they managed to play an entire four quarters against Tampa Bay and Jeff Garcia without scoring a single point. Oh wait, They got a touchdown in the 4th.

Fine, whatever. Delhomme may be foxy, but it occurs to me that offense is also foxy.

Happily, this month-old news on Jake Plummer from the Arizona Republic: “He’s back in his home state of Idaho, hanging out with friends and family, playing in a lot of handball tournaments and either is about to get married or recently did, to a former Broncos cheerleader.”

See? Football means little to anyone these days. The world awaits.

George Ducker admits that you know more about sports than he does. He lives in Los Angeles, California, where players grow old, accomplish little and are forgotten.

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