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AHHHHH MAHHHH GAWWWW BOOOOOYS!
by Molly Lambert
Indie Rock and Comedy go together like Pinkabet and Bagoog Monamon. First Superchunk drummer Jon Wurster teamed up with Monk creator Tom Scharpling to create longform call-in improv brilliance on The Best Show on WFMU (more on them later this week). On the last broadcast Deadhead Bryce called in to say he now has a son named The Phil Zone.
I had the (misguided) idea to tell my homophobic (closetcase) cousin Marly about this new group Thunder Ant when I was talking to her on IM the other day.
Sleater-Kinney: (l-r) Corin, Janet, Carrie
MOLLY: Carrie Brownstein is making comedy videos online!
MARLY: Who tha F is that?
MOLLY: Duh, from Sleater-Kinney.
MARLY: Plz, like I care about those dykes.
MOLLY: Actually, Carrie’s the only one who is gay. Janet Weiss was married to Sam Coomes and they divorced and formed a two-piece (Quasi) way before The White Stripes and now she drums as a Jick for Steve Malkmus. And Corin Tucker is married to Lance Bangs, who I was totally just talking about yesterday!
MARLY: I don’t like bands with chick singers.
Fred Armisen with the lovely Jenna Fischer
MOLLY: Aren’t you a singer-songwriter?!!
MARLY: It’s different. My artistic peers and idols are all men.
MOLLY: Sleater Kinney own you.
MARLY: The only female musician I like is myself. I’m not into lezbos like Patti Smith and Joni Mitchell.
MOLLY: They are both straight!
“Yeah I like em’ about yaaaaaaaaaaaay big. Why, is that big?”
MARLY: Whateverz.
MOLLY: Whatever yourself. Yeah so Carrie Brownstein’s making vidz with Fred Armisen as Thunder Ant.
MARLY: You think I know who that is?
MOLLY: Yeah he’s on SNL and he’s a sweet drummer.
MARLY: Wht r his characters?
Fred Armisen and Maya Rudolph as Nuni and Nooni Schoener
MOLLY: Ferecito, Prince, Nuni Schoener.
MARLY: Oh is he Mango?
MOLLY: No.
MARLY: So some guy I’ve never heard of and the dyke from Bikini Kill are doing comedy?
Kathleen Hanna pats her weave
MOLLY: No no, Sleater-Kinney.
MARLY: Wvr
MOLLY: Kathleen Hanna isn’t gay, she’s married to Ad-Rock.
MARLY: I don’t kno why u tell me this stuff like I care.
Never been dumped cause I’m the most mackinest!
MOLLY: What kind of music do you even listen to?
MARLY: Brad Paisley and Michael Buble.
MOLLY: Gross!
MARLY: wv4 theyr HAWWWWT!
“You are the master of Bag End now. And also, I fancy, you’ll find a golden ring.”
I am pretty much convinced Marly is a super closeted lesbian. You know how you can just tell sometimes from talking to a person? Also she sounds really forced and weird whenever she talks about guys and sex. But I guess she comes from a stern and repressive Irish-Catholic family. It’s actually pretty sad.
You know who else is totally a closeted lesbian? Lynne Cheney.
Her vagine hang like sleeve of wizard.
Have you read her pioneer women Sapphic slash novel Sisters? Let us quote you some sensual passages while we talk about music blogs for a hot minute.
Music Bloggers hyping up brand new bands must be stopped, an Idolator Real Talk Special Report.
Also, what is the sound of white funk? The Red Hot Chili Peppers? What I got I got to get it put it in you!
The Annuals (Raleigh N.C.) Vs. The Bloggiverse (via Oxford American)
The Black Kids Vs. Sexy Internet Buzz.
Pretty Goes With Pretty rages against the Hype Machine, in Four Parts. Hype Machine is still a great music bloggregator.
My homophobic cousin Marly “Marlo” Guthrie (she performs as Marlo because there’s a Danish House Music Superstar named Marly) played over the weekend at the Anti-Anarchist Bookstore in downtown Bridgeport. She sent me a pic and a copy of her setlist:
1. Lesbians Are Faggots
2. Munch Munch Munch (Your Way To Hell)
3. At Seventeen (Janis Ian cover)
4. Ellen Degenerates
5. Lesbian Bed Death Is What Happens When I Murder You
Molly Lambert is Senior Editor of This Recording.
Write Me Back Fucker – Sleater Kinney: mp3
More Than A Feeling – Sleater Kinney: mp3
Suck My Left One – Bikini Kill: mp3
White Boy – Bikini Kill: mp3
Rebel Girl – Bikini Kill: mp3
PREVIOUSLY ON THIS RECORDING:
A Twin Fetish film I directed in college and the accompanying adolescence post by Jamie Galen.
Alex is smitten with Julia Allison and Annie Lennox.
And I adore Loudon Wainwright III and Kat Dennings but have no love for Jude Law, Josh Hartnett or Hugh Grant.
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“You think I know who that is?”
Marly FTW
Comment by D'Aziz October 24, 2007 @ 11:16 am[...] Jacobs and Tom Ford are competing for Most Dramatic Gay Midlife Crisis. Rage on, fierce dragons of [...]
Pingback by In Which We Mix On Your Grave « This Recording October 29, 2007 @ 12:53 pm[...] rock against pop is a false ass binary, much like pitting pornography against women, or the RIAA against criminals. The War On Free Music [...]
Pingback by In Which We Establish Our Personal Stance On This RIAA Mishegas « This Recording October 30, 2007 @ 10:52 am[...] start of New Millenial Girl Power! Part of the way we are trying to manifest this is by promoting Ladies We Admire, both living and dead. Today we start with the [...]
Pingback by In Which Women Are The Wonder Of The World « This Recording November 1, 2007 @ 6:28 am[...] Barney’s Blog is hilarious. He goes into the details of his adult film script Ted Mosby: Sex Architect. Having Doogie play the misogynist asshole is brilliant. He also returns in Harold and Kumar 2. NPH is on a roll! [...]
Pingback by In Which We Exalt How I Met Your Mother For Its Grasp On The Zeitgeist And Our Hearts « This Recording November 1, 2007 @ 8:36 amLesbians (aka faggots) are perverted subhuman scum that should be shot and will surely brun.
Comment by Chris November 14, 2007 @ 3:11 am[...] A tense encounter with my homophobic cousin Marly Guthrie. [...]
Pingback by In Which We Exhume An Ancient Epic Poem Even Bawdier And Bloodier Than Beowulf « This Recording November 27, 2007 @ 1:44 pm[...] Molly’s dark side. [...]
Pingback by In Which It Is Best Not to Koop a Koopa « This Recording December 7, 2007 @ 10:45 am[...] homophobic folk-singer cousin, Marly ‘Marlo’ Guthrie. I can’t take all the credit for this one. Marly is [...]
Pingback by In Which Our Favorites Pick Their Favorites « This Recording January 28, 2008 @ 2:45 am[...] How can people (in bands with women no less, some of whom are their wives!) still be so reductive in this day and age? Maybe because there are so many femalesogynists out there perpetuating myths? Maybe more men could step up to the plate and be better Femennists. Makes a grrrl feel like rioting. [...]
Pingback by In Which Your Wives Are In Your Bands « This Recording April 18, 2008 @ 10:59 am[...] Patti Smith said, “After Mad, drugs were nothing.” [...]
Pingback by In Which Mad Men Created The Mad World Of Mad Magazine « This Recording August 6, 2008 @ 3:37 amIf the Thunder Ant pairing weren’t enough, word is that Fred and Carrie are also dating. Apparently coolness transcends gender.
Also, Molly, what’s up with not replying to fan mail?
Comment by Brian October 6, 2008 @ 7:44 pm[...] Her vagina hangs like the sleeve of a wizard. [...]
Pingback by In Which Sometimes It Is Better To Be Good Than Great « This Recording February 23, 2009 @ 9:09 am