In Which You Remind Me Of My Jeep

You Remind Me Of Something

by Molly Lambert

I’m trying to be a more ‘spontaneous’ blogger, so I decided to copy my favorite blogger Rich from fourfour and just comment on screen caps. In this case, from R. Kelly’s video for You Remind Me Of Something, currently discussed in tandem with Will Oldham’s new song of the same name on my new tumblr

Alex has been getting on my case about posting at This Recording but it’s fault since he enrolled me in Tumblr School. Alex wrote me and Tess this really intense editor’s letter being like “iF Y0U DOn’T GET ON TuMB/R I’M G/OING TO S?ELL YOUR BR%AS O”N E?BAY.”

I miss full court dance sequences, wet asphalt, cutoffs with boots

God I miss the 90s. This was in every single r&b video. It’s a Hype Williams shot but Hype Williams didn’t direct this video. He directed R. Kelly’s next major video though, for Down Low Ft. Ron Isley (the original Mr. Big). That was a milestone video, the first time Kelly showed off his skill for operatic narrative storytelling.

At first I thought it was a promotional thing for Batman Returns 2: Jokers Are Wild but it turned out to be Alex posting under a weird fake name trying to force me to have a tumblr. He’s all “we need to increase This Recording‘s Online Presence.”

This video is about three things. Sex, Phones, and Jeeps.

This Recording don’t have enough of an Online Presence. We should be posting three times as many more pictures of the hot girls who write pieces for us right the fuck now! And linking to them! And reblogging them!”

R. is on a phone in every other shot in this video. Is he on the phone with Aaliyah in the At Your Best remix video? I feel like I’ve seen him on the phone a lot in other videos. Definitely the Kelly Price video for Friend Of Mine. Okay he’s not on the phone, he just kind of creepily lingers outside Aaliyah’s recording studio in a car with tinted windows. Remember how they dressed alike?

And then his head exploded. At which point I realized it wasn’t really Alex, it was an animatronic doll made to look like Alex attached to a bomb. Which made me again think this had to be an elaborate promotional stunt for Batman Attacks: Midnight Tokers

How many more Jeep-Nik jams do you think there were following this? The thought of this being the only one is just too sad.

Then I got another angry e-mail from Alex (he is the J. Jonah Jameson of blogs) where he was like “rawr rawr rawr” and I was like FINE and I started a tumblr.

One? Two? Two more Jeep-Nik jams? Oh and here’s Kelly singing to 15 year old Aaliyah about how he wants to eat her out.

And then I found out This Recording already had one and Alex had changed it to Joker colors and was using it to advance his nefarious Libertarian agenda.

The best part is how R. talks on the phone in front of a bunch of other people. That’s power! That girl’s just sitting there while you tell some other girl on the phone that she reminds you of her Jeep and you would like to pump her. This is the ’95 equivalent of texting other people in front of someone. The other girl has made peace with the fact that Kelly is a freak and he likes to talk on the phone all the time and is obsessed with (ayo) technology.

And then Tess got a tumblr too and things got really red pandas. (Tyler has had one like 4ever).

Did the Wachowski Brothers subconsciously pattern Neo after R. Kelly’s mid-nineties style? I guess all the black guys in the fetish community know that the black leather raincoat with sunglasses is a good look.

Danish can pride himself in knowing that I laugh whenever I see Tumbledore, because it is the perfect amount of funny/stupid for a blog name.

Jeeps, (implied) sex, no phones. Kelly is also really into a boxing motif. He writes a lot of songs about being the world champion, uses a lot of fighting metaphors. Another lyrical theme he shares closely with Will Oldham (other than oral sex). If Will Oldham would just write one song about his car, I could have a much better argument here. But yeah, Jeeps in a boxing ring.

I also laugh when I see “Every Day I’m Tumblin’” I guess I’m easier to make laugh than I thought. Is that a backhanded compliment? How much of a backhanded compliment is it as opposed to “reads like a blog.” It’s true though, I’m easy like sunday morning.

I really miss the nineties.

Anyway rather than waste any more content on a baby blog, Alex suggested I at least cross-post with my tumblr. And since this is probably getting pretty confusing if you’re trying to read the italicized comments at the same time, I’ll just stop typing in italics.

Hype Williams did direct the video for Adina Howard’s “Freak Like Me” (the eternal summer jam). I also share Rich’s Juzwiak’s enthusiasm for the mid-nineties freaky ladies of R&B.

The King and Queen of The First Annual Jeep-Nik

It might be hard to tell they’re watching two girls in negligees grind on each other. Again an obsession with power and voyeurism.

This is what R. Kelly wants to do to your 14 year old vagina.

And then he will wax it, because you remind him of his cars

“So Everyone” – Bonnie Prince Billy (mp3)

“Killjoy” – N.E.R.D. (mp3)

“Nothing Ever Happened” – Deerhunter (mp3)

The obligatory Jeep posse caravan driving through a tunnel at night shot. How many of these Hype Williams rips are in The Roots’ video for What They Do.

Isn’t it weird how Usher Raymond married a 40 year old woman and R. Kelly is only interested in pre-pubescent girls. They would never like the Same Girl.

Shia LaBeouf calls his friend a faggot and gets bitch-slapped.

Daily Show’s Senior Women’s Issues Correspondent Kristen Schaal’s Wonder Woman Striptease

“The molecular evolution of the synapse is like the evolution of computer chips. The increasing complexity has given them more power. Those animals with the most powerful chips can do the most”

I always identified most with this character: the random sunglasses wearing chick bobbing her head in the crowd.

Molly Lambert is managing editor of This Recording.

GUYS NAMED ROBERT

Robert Kelly & Phil Spector Meet In Hell

Robert Goulet Is Dead, Long Live Robert Goulet

Robert Fripp Is Frippertronic

Robert Zimmerman x Zix

Robert De Niro Is An Actor In This Movie, But He Is More Than An Actor And More Than Robert De Niro

Robert Gordon (Fictional, Horrifically Real)

Robert Diggs Is The RZA

Robert Altman Is God

Robert Creeley is not R. Kelly, But They Share A Love Of Syntax

PREVIOUSLY ON THIS RECORDING

Molly defines a new genre.

Thursty for more Michael Cera.

When he left the beach the sea was still going on.

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10 thoughts on “In Which You Remind Me Of My Jeep

  1. Saya agak cerewat dalam menerima pendapat… tapi setelah membaca karya nie…
    saya rasa … saya perlu bersetuju dengan awak… tahniah atas persembahan idea yang menarik…

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