In Which You’ve Got To Be Somebody’s Baby

Little Darlings

by Molly Lambert

There’s been a lot of debate lately about what is and is not appropriate to critique on the internets. The short answer is: anything’s up for grabs, and if you don’t believe me try reading 4chan for five minutes. The long answer is: I don’t know where the line is, but I know when somebody crosses it.

Baby Bjork

One of the worst things you can do is criticize the physical appearance of children. I know that every time Perez Hilton says something mean about Sadie Sandler it makes me hate him that much more, and I already hate him a lot.

You Don’t Mess With The Jew-Frohan

But what if the babies are already grown? Once someone’s an adult, is it fair game to go back and criticize them for having been a weird or odd looking child? It’s a rule that very cute babies often grow up to be strange looking people, and sometimes the ugliest babies make the most gorgeous grown ups. It’s also just funny to see what they looked like as kids because (massive plastic surgery aside) most faces don’t change that much.

Baby Jean Claude Van Damme

Anyway, since Alex has gone off his rocker like John Rocker it’s been entirely up to me to maintain the integrity and good standing of This Recording. Alex’s head just exploded when he read that sentence. Don’t worry about it though. He has a cabinet full of interchangeable heads with different expressions, like Mombi.

Baby Oprah = Boprah?

And he told this horrible Obambi site to take his piece down, as he is not anti-Obama. He’s not pro-Hitler, either. He is just anti-everything. He’s a libertarian! It doesn’t mean I am. I mean, we could potentially put everything sarcastic in comic sans or italics but that might just make things more confusing, don’t you think?

OMG BABY XENU

“Come back when you’ve fucked some of this baby fat off.”

looks like a Basil Wolverton drawing

Real name: Farrokh Bulsara

Baby De Niro? I’d hit it

“I can’t wait ’til I’m old enough for fake teeth”

Arnold looks like an ad campaign for Nazi Youth

Baby Douche grows up to be Big Douche

Kate Hudson makes this face when eating souls

Baby Ginger Lohan already giving the side-eye

Baby Theodore Logan is hot, I’m a dirty old woman.

BB Julia Roberts, soon to torture Liz Phair at camp

Baby Miley Cyrus. This pic was taken last year.

BB Ashton Kutcher got punk’d

Baby Jay-Z looks just the same

Molly Lambert is the managing editor of This Recording

My brother made another great mix for you to download and listen to. This one features The Beach Boys, Arabian Prince, Dam Funk, Ready For The World, Ennio Morricone, Schooly D, Stereolab and other things that seem like they shouldn’t go together but do.

Summer Solstice Space Cadet Mix – Ben Lambert (mp3)

PREVIOUSLY ON THIS RECORDING:

Celebrity Couples Presage The Apocalypse

We Remake Every Movie Using Nicholas Cage As The Lead

Herbie: The Car That Fucked A Girl

BB Winston Churchill Reads TR

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11 thoughts on “In Which You’ve Got To Be Somebody’s Baby

  1. I wasn’t criticizing Liv Tyler, I was criticizing the person in charge of making sure Liv Tyler doesn’t look as ugly as she did in Hulk.

    Get back to me when you can understand in full the complexity of that.

  2. i don’t even have the words to express my love for you at this very moment you adorable baby ginger moogle you

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