In Which It’s the Wrong Kind of Place to Be Thinking of You

One of my very favorite Craigslist posts ever. Enjoy:

Hey Cats:

I love you guys, but you’re making my life a living hell right now. I hope this is just a reaction to some natural disaster looming in the near future and not how you intend to live the rest of your lives. Because, if this is the way you intend to live your lives, they will be very short indeed!

White cat:
Shut the fuck up. Yes, I know you’re there. There is absolutely nothing wrong with my eyes. Have you ever noticed how I leave the house for around 9 hours each and every weekday? I have this job thing. This thing keeps you in food and toys and stuff. It also allows me to purchase the furniture you so readily destroy. If you keep raising hell at 5am, I will continue to be in a pissy mood and stand a good chance of being fired from my job. Result? No more stuff for you.

Black cat:
Ever heard of a courtesy flush. Well, that’s what we humans do when we let loose with a particularly rank dump. In case you haven’t noticed, you specialize in particularly rank dumps and I think a courtesy flush (or in your case a courtesy scratch) would be in order. And no, scratching the floor AROUND the litter box does not count. There is a reason for that litter. Think about it and use it.

Both cats:
Work with me here; stay out from under my feet. I can’t feed you if I’m unconscious on the floor.
Try lying on clothes that actually MATCH your fur color instead of contrasting colors.
Stay the fuck away from my food. I certainly don’t mess with yours.
Make sure that all wildlife brought into the house is actually dead. I’m getting tired of cleaning up after your slasher movies.

If you follow these few simple rules, you will live long and prosper and I will love you with all my heart!

Thanks,
Me

Spacemen 3 was the inferior precurser to Spiritualized, but once I realized that Jason Pierce was this much of a genius, I had to comb back through his first real project. 3 released an album with one of the greatest titles ever (“Taking Drugs to Make Music to Take Drugs To”) and also lived by a mantra “consciousness change through repetition.” You get that feeling more on their longer songs. This classic was eventually reprised on the second Spiritualized LP, Pure Phase. Thanks to my Pierce CD collection that’s currently verging on complete that I was way into when I was 13, you get this one.

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6 thoughts on “In Which It’s the Wrong Kind of Place to Be Thinking of You

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