In Which I Have the Misfortune of Taking the 3 A.M. Train Out of New York City

So one of us (me) had the bright idea to take the 3 a.m. train home on Thursday (Friday) to beat the Christmas (Hannukah) rush.

Little did I know Penn Station at that hour would be so…fun.

Actually, the entertaining part of the trip was also the worst. Once I got on the train, three white businessmen, drunk off their ass, ended up sitting virtually behind me, occupying the entire rear of the car. At first I was hoping the general hour was going to settle them down, but they were plenty rowdy.

Had their conversation been slightly less annoying (“I’m going to teabag your wife! I’m gonna do it!”) I probably would not have done this, but it was late, and I have a bad attitude.

After about twenty minutes of this, having most of the other people in the car move, I pretty much snapped. I stood up, turned around, and said, “Ho ho, I realize you guys are white and drunk and stupid and I’m just Ivy League educated brilliant and beautiful, but maybe you could take your backwards misogyny, lame jokes, poor excuse for a life and second rate suits and shove them up your asses before I get all your home addresses from the conductor and kill your children? You’re about as funny as Gallagher, and he dresses better. God hates you, and I hate you.”

Sometimes it feels good to get it out. On the other hand, I really wish I had realized sooner how advantageous it is for a white person to sling “white” as an insult, as I do constantly. It just makes so much sense!

“The Walk” — Imogen Heap

“Pass and Fail” — Heartless Bastards


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