It’s embarrassing to admit when you cry. After all, this blog has redefined masculinity for a whole new generation. We’ve shown countless times that we are unafraid to comment on things that the culture considers feminine–Jews, Joanna Newsom, lexapro. Thank God I live in a time when I can cry freely. I never really used to cry. I’d cry when I was particularly angry, before I became able to control my anger. But eventually life dulled into a unending sequence of unrelated events.
Lately, I find I am crying more and more often. I cry at more traditional things. I think the reason is that I now have a wealth of mental associations that any given sad thing is connecting to.
Here now things that have recently ripped my ballsack a new tear-hole.
Last night: Melinda Doolittle singing on American Idol. God knows I never thought I’d ever watch American Idol, let alone start crying because of it, but hey, we all get older, haven’t you heard that Stevie Nicks song? I have never heard this song, nor do I know who The Wiz are, but this cute tiny woman with a massive voice getting so into it and being so overwhelmed by what’s going on…too much. Too much for me, people!
Six years ago: Harry Potter hugging the big dude. Few things get my tearsacks flaccid like orphans. The first Harry Potter was a little unexpected, and when they broke out Harry hugging Hagrid at the end, and you knew that he had no parents. WTF mate. I may have been really, really hungover, but that was tough.
Last week: Dave Matthews’ guest appearance on House. House has been absolutely dreadful lately, but in the midst of a lost season, they broke out a classic. Matthews played this autistic piano genius. Spoiler alert, House has half his brain removed and he actually isn’t autistic and he learns how to button his shirt. Hey, Rain Man was sad, too.
November 4, 1995: Yitzhak Rabin dies. I hate politicians as a general rule, but no nation has more inspiring ones than Israel. Rabin was a truly good man. If I’d been around during the JFK deal, I would have been sad, but JFK was a douchebag who cheated on his wife, so how sad could I have been? In Israel there’s a lot more at stake than in the U.S., too. I never have to worry about the U.S. going anywhere, but Israel’s existence may never not be in question. Props to David Ben-Gurion. Nice work there.
A few months ago: The Up Series. This seven part British documentary that follows the lives of a group of children introduced at 7 is one of the saddest things ever put on television. It may also be one of the greatest things ever done in the documentary form. It’s really, really sad.
Somewhere around the year 2002, Spiritualized. The greatest band in the world has made me cry countless times I’m sure. I was fortunate to see them live once when they hit Providence for whatever reason. Naturally I bawled like a baby.
May 23, 1999: Owen Hart dies on PPV. I didn’t shell out money for wrestling PPVs back then, but I was following the results on the internet when a massive newsflash popped up. Hart died trying a stupid stunt in which he was to come down from the roof of Kemper Arena in Kansas City. He fell on his head and died instantly. He was so young, and such a great person. So sad. The next night they did a Tribute show, and that may have been the most emotional two hours of my young life.
February 5, 2006: Arrested Development gets canceled. The show that redefined the sitcom and created so many top jokes: never nudes, Mr. Reinhold’s Courtroom, hey hermano, have sex right now, Ann, The Man Inside Me…I could go on. Hopefully a movie will come to fruition. What an amazing fucking show.