We had to take a day off from blogging to complete our thesis. We have written more words on this blog than are contained in our entire thesis. If we compared our thesis to the blog, the blog had more music and pictures of beautiful people. In our thesis’ defense, it did result in the joke in the foregoing clause. It could have used more T and A though probably.
There are about three sex scenes in my thesis, two of them hetero and one homo. Apparently people used to write a lot more sex scenes, but then that got boring, resulting in the current lack of sex scenes. I have tried my best to be inventive when it comes to sex scenes, living up to the example of the greatest ever sex scene, which made it on this blog all too quick.
In one of my favorites that got left on the cutting room floor, this dude took a telephone and knocked this guy out with it and then had sex with him. That’s about as extreme as I get in literature, nevermind in person.
One problem with sex scenes is that it is hard to integrate the latest in technology, because your readership may be unfamiliar with the technical details of what you’re describing. For example, and you knew this was coming, there’s the Fleshlight.
The Fleshlight is a male sex toy that imitates the interiors of various orifices, depending on where you want to put the thing.
This is the Lady, which attempts to simulate…you got it.
With this kind of description, you’d be crazy not to order the next variation: Go where you’ve never gone before. Let your most erotic desire be fulfilled.
I don’t have firsthand knowledge, but if that’s what an anus looks like, oh god.
That brings us to my favorite and yours..yes…wait for it…some dude’s mouth.
Doesn’t that look inviting? Frankly when I see that thing the first thing I want to do is be like, “Can you believe Tony did that to Hesh?” I like to talk.
In case you thought there were only so many human orifices though, modern science has brought you this:
That is so refreshingly non-descript I am actually turned on. It’s for the man with the vending machine fetish. In other news, I have it on good authority that that is actually what Demi Moore looks like, you know, down there.
You can also customize what that shit looks like on the inside, yo.
Super-ribbed. Am I the only person who finds the super tight a little scary?
It’s like a missile silo in there.
Holy crap. They just debuted the ultra-tight version.
Don’t forget the road-kill iteration.
Go visit Elbo.ws for more of Andrew, I was late getting on the bandwagon, but it won’t be long before I start pretending like I liked him before you did.
If Christopher Hitchens wasn’t around to make grown men cry and/or realize their books suck, who would?
You’ve learned so much in this post, already. Would you like to know more?
Learn about the band Taxi Taxi. They met in a cab! Don’t act like you’re not surprised.