In Which Why Do We Love The People That We Love Specifically Christopher Hitchens and Also Whoever Wrote This Particularly Gross Gilmore Girls Fan Fiction

Since Molly wrote an article about the most nausea-inducing publication, I’d like to praise No. 2. Vanity Fair has made some Hitchens available, and it’s obvious the more he is paid, the better the sentences. This piece on Oriana Fallaci’s importance was divine.

Some people have said my tragic flaw is my ability to discuss the importance of Oriana Fallaci. I’d argue with them but I’m too consumed with myself.

There are some subjects that even I do not pretend to know anything (everything) about. Usually I have a pretty good reason for not doing so. Take a gander at that list:

1. Fishing — Why do people fish? I don’t get it. There’s fish on the land, in stores. You’re not hungry. Why are you putting the line in the…don’t you feel bait is wrong?

2. Religion — Seriously, though. There’s no such thing as God. It’s silly. If people feel that ‘faith’ is important and it strengthens their desire to live, go for it. I never said life wasn’t hard. Ascribing my results in it to an omnipotent being seems on the surface like it’s a cop out. The idea of God makes people do some pretty interesting things. I’m guessing they would have happened anyway, but what the hell, it’s convenient to have a scapegoat around. That way you can just chalk it up to God.

3. What Rory Sees In That Fucking Bastard Logan — Fortunately there’s a fan site dedicated to making me understand this, Rory & Logan Online. Lately I’ve been very annoyed that people are coming up to me and being like, “Yo, Gilmore Girls was cancelled, haha in your face!” First of all, if you’ve watched this whole season, there was such a definite feeling of it being the last season that you figured the show had to end. Shows can’t go on forever. They end at some point. The Sopranos is headed out at the right time. The King of Queens waited a year too long and now these last episodes are like painful kidney stones for a show that at its best was tremendous.

But the real reason I’m pissing off about Rory and Logan is that the cute bastard wants to marry the only daughter of Lorelai Gilmour. It’s too soon for Rory! She only recently experienced her FIRST disappointment! Imagine what being married to you would be like. Logan that smug bastard. Even after this show is off the air I will still be wanting to kill that bastard.

I mean once I found this thing there was really no going back:

“Fuck, Rory,” he groaned.

She looked up at him with a smile, beaming from the reaction she had elicited. Logan was sure there was no site more beautiful than her bright blue eyes staring up at him from their current location. The next thing he knew she was grabbing his balls with her left hand and massaging them gently.

I can’t believe I had to read a sentence about that entrepreneurial fuck’s balls. And that’s why I don’t understand why she would go to San Francisco with him. I mean, come on.

I’m sure I’ll think of other things I can’t discuss intelligently later. Just give me some time to figure out how to operate my dishwasher without getting water all over the floor of my kitchen, and I should be back in a bit.

“Books Written for Girls” — Camera Obscura

“Company Calls Epilogue” — Death Cab for Cutie

“Pangea” — Someone Still Loves You Boris Yeltsin

(SSLYBY myspace)

“Radio” — Apes and Androids

(Apes & Androids myspace and Gothamist bit about them)

One thought on “In Which Why Do We Love The People That We Love Specifically Christopher Hitchens and Also Whoever Wrote This Particularly Gross Gilmore Girls Fan Fiction

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s