In Which She Goes Which Way The Wind Blows And She Doesn’t Want It If It’s Too Easy

She’s Like the Wind

by Molly Lambert

Because of my inherited (jewish) compulsion to talk all the time, I often end up giving out information about myself that is humorously embarrassing. This is what jews do, mock themselves before you get the chance, like hesh on sopranos, or this TV special that was just on PBS called “dogs that changed the world” about how wolves that would go near trash piles left by humans had a better chance of survival if they could interact peacefully with the humans, becoming eventually domesticated into dogs.

Now I think any animal that lets you domesticate it that fully is kind of a sucker, which is why I respect cats. They will fuck you, but they will not necessarily call. Then sometimes they’ll just show up and be like “hey” and it’s hard to say no. Whereas dogs are just like “hey what’s up what’s up” all the time, which is so tiresome. I don’t want it if it’s that easy.

Anyway I don’t think I’ve humiliated myself on the internet recently, so I wanted to tell you guys about my first major infatuation with an artwork. Picture it: kindergarten. I think I’d been to a few movies, but I (astonishingly, I know) lived blissly free of media for the first few years of my life. I missed The Cosby Show and all the Spielberg movies.

I, the young aesthete, am taken to my first play. The phantom of the fucking opera. One of my mom’s friends took me. She had an extra ticket and my parents were way too snobby for Andrew Lloyd Webber. I, of course, was not and thought it was the sweetest thing ever. Thus began my lifelong fascination with the highbrow low culture spectacle.

Better advertising through forcing you to channel the memory of losing your virginity.

Another example: people who get married at disneyworld. I watched a food network special on weddings at disneyland. it’s the tackiest thing you can do, and yet it costs like seventy grand. Listening to the disneyworld chefs talk about the eight kinds of decadent chocolate fillings they are going to use in the wedding cake shaped like cinderella’s castle totally just screams LATE CAPITALISM.

The chinese are going to fuck us so unbelievably hard because they give so much less of a fuck than us about the puritan propriety of things like idea ownership. Dig it.

Anyway phantom of the opera, like fake chinese disneyland, and food network specials about batshit crazy rich people getting married at disneyworld, is a grand guignol creepfest about our super weird and fucked up modern world. LA is basically repo man/blade runner already, but I still can’t really believe how very much in the future we finally are. Weird superheavy planets? We’re like a few years away from being a ray bradbury story. Ray Bradbury, actually, is alive and
lives in LA, and doesn’t drive. He has a dream for a monorail. Not gonna happen ray. We’re trying with the public transportation here but come on.

There are five kittens in the shed next door to me! What should I name it if I get one???

Molly Lambert is the senior contributor to this recording. She lives in Echo Park, California.

Note: if you want to go to Sandals, weddings are free with any week-long stay!

from the indispensable CuteOverload…

“Change the Locks” — Fionn Regan

“Snowy Atlas Mountains” — Fionn Regan

Amazing flashback by Speed of Dark

Idolator has the 50 cent leak

the morning benders cover roy orbison over at stereogum

Some really awesome tracks here. (Blogs are for Dogs)

“Automatic Situation” — Joseph Arthur

“Quiet” — Rachael Yamagata

“Amsterdam” — David Bowie

2 thoughts on “In Which She Goes Which Way The Wind Blows And She Doesn’t Want It If It’s Too Easy

  1. I watched that same Disneyworld special! It was so ridic. I wished I’d taped it so I could have gotten screen caps of all the ridiculous fat white trash new money spending $80,000 to get Mickey and Goofy to dance at their weddings. Oh my god.

    Favorite quotes:

    Old lady: “It’s nice because it’s not like normal wedding food, you know, like stuffed cabbage and meatballs!” You know??

    Also, the super fat couple who get a layer cake filled with their favorite fatperson flavorings, being “chocolate chips” and “peanut butter cups” respectively. Also, their first course is cheddar cheese soup.

    YOU ARE SO FAT

    Don’t be mad if I make a post out of this.

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