In Which His Feelings Hurt Our Vice President Does Not Handle the Fact That The Island Is Ruled by a Haunted House Very Well At All

It was a hassle to get our vice president’s thoughts on this week’s blockbuste spectacular Lost.

Cheney is under a lot of pressure lately as you might imagine. For instance, when I complained I hadn’t heard back from him in awhile, Dick just sent me this link in an e-mail.

Then I get a text from him a short time later. “FUCKING CAUSE AND EFFECT SUCKS BRAH” is what that text message read.

I wasn’t even expecting a review based on that. I mean, it’s hard to get Lost in Baghdad you know. Even if you go out to a bar where they might have satellite, it’s hard to hear the fucking dialogue over people cheering for Sayid.

After the episode, I first received an image. I show it in its entirety:

A text followed shortly thereafter. It read “JACOB.”

Then ten minutes later, I got another text: “ANNIE IS DANIELLE. DANIELLE ROUSSEAU.”

Then ten minutes later, another one: “THAT ACTUALLY MAKES NO FUCKING SENSE. ROUSSEAU CAUGHT BENRY.”

Then a series of text messages which I pass on, unedited:

“DID YOU SEE THAT LOHAN NIP SLIP TODAY”

I texted back, “NO, CHENEDAWG”

I didn’t respond to the rest because I was too busy socializing. Also, this settles the is Locke dead controversy. Here’s the rest:

“ISLAND IS BEN–MOTHERS DYING BEFORE GIVE BIRTH I HATE MY DADDIES”

“YOU WILL ALWAYS NEED SOMETHING TO FIX”

“HELP ME”

“IT WAS SO REAL LAKISHA GOD DAMN I HATE YOU BLAKE I WILL CUT OFF YOUR DICK IF YOU BEATBOX AGAIN”

“LOCKE IS A COCKSUCKER”

“JACK IS A COCKSUCKER”

“KATE IS SO MISINFORMED”

“A FUCKING HAUNTED HOUSE? THAT’S WHAT THIS SEASON HAS BEEN BUILDING TO?”

Three fun things from the EW interview with Cuse and Lindelof.

  • Lindelof hinted that viewers will learn about a “significant event” from Jack’s past in the season finale.
  • Mrs. Hawking (the woman from Desmond’s flashbacks) will not be seen again this season, but will appear in later seasons.
  • Try to interpret Damon Lindelof’s teaser for the season finale: “It will make you realize that the house you are standing in actually has a lot more rooms than you thought when you came into it.” I like the sound of that.

The last text I got him from him went like this:

“IF CHARLIE’S CORPSE IS NOT ON MY DESK BY NEXT EPISODE, I’M GOING TO CONTINUE THIS WAR IN IRAQ.”

That’s not just a threat. The guy is the vice president.

Charlie White’s website. More on White tomorrow.

Download some of New Zealander Brooke Fraser‘s delightful pop oeuvre. Interesting from an aural standpoint, she has a nice voice, and the production is really good.

“Saving the World” — Brooke Fraser

“Deciphering Me” — Brooke Fraser

“Still in Love” — Brooke Fraser

6 thoughts on “In Which His Feelings Hurt Our Vice President Does Not Handle the Fact That The Island Is Ruled by a Haunted House Very Well At All

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