In Which We Respond to Fanmail and Announce An Exciting Development

Some people take off right after they graduate. A weaker man would go on vacation. I say no. I say we use this free moment to blog up a storm and entertain the fanbase.

With the rising ascendancy of this blog, I’ve started getting a fair amount of fan mail. This wasn’t like when I wrote columns back in college, these people actually have gripes. A weaker man might not respond. A weaker man wouldn’t admit he took a photoset of himself that includes poker action shots.

I would say about 60 percent of the correspondence goes something along this line:

Question:

You really shouldn’t review The L-Word. As a straight male, you know nothing about lesbians.

Answer:

Actually, this is my fourth reincarnation, and in the previous three incarnations I lived wonderful lives that largely consisted of scissoring and gelato. (You can watch the South Park I am referring to here, lesbian.) Write what you know.

Scissor me timbers!

Question:

You make a lot of jokes about Jewish people. Are you even Jewish? Isn’t the last name Carnevale guido or something?

Answer:

How fucking dare you. If you ever happen to get a glimpse of me in profile–a sighting rarer than a Creed blog post–you will see that the nose I have had to carry with since birth clearly proves that in any kind of mass rounding up, I will not only be thrown in with your Feuersteins and Friedmans, I may well even be King of the Jews. (My mother is a Jew.) I’ll take one more.

Kyle kills Jesus. Shame on you, Kyle.

Question:

I sometimes enjoy the pictures of both women and men on this site. Don’t you feel you’re just playing into cultural stereotypes of beauty by displaying people in this fashion? After all, John Cage wrote that there is no reason anything is beautiful.

Answer:

Your John Cage quote, frankly, thrills me. Are you as beautiful as you sound? Let’s meet for drinks.

Despite the negative feedback, we are pleased to announce we have sated the Hype Machine gods in addition to the Elbo.ws scientists. We will probably have to upgrade our bandwith on the direct mp3s we bring inside your computer so that you have a chance of sleeping with an indie chick who will be excited that you also read Pitchfork, but it’s worth it. The facts of the case are these–we love our readers as much as they love us. Thank you, and come back.

“Madonna” –CocoRosie

“Secret” — Madonna

“Sanctuary” — Madonna

3 thoughts on “In Which We Respond to Fanmail and Announce An Exciting Development

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