In Which More People Say More Dumb Things About What Has Got To Be The Greatest Season Finale Of All Time

Lost Season Finale, Or How I Learned To Stop Worrying and Love the Lost

by Vice President Elect Dick Cheney

Wow.

That’s all one can really say after what is without doubt the greatest two hours in television this year. If you are not watching this show, you are dumber than the people who do watch this show. This is saying a lot:

Maybe it was Charlie who programmed the code. In some strange, twisted way Charlie from the future programmed it for Charlie from the past who was on the island so that Charlie from the present could save the Losties.

 

 

Through the Looking Glass

But we’re going to stop making fun of messageboard posters. This was a confusing Lost.

Some people still think Jack’s father is alive and practicing medicine in the future. Let me assure you personally from the office of the president I mean vice president–that guy is dead.

RIP Charlie, too. He died to get them off the island, but it looks like they’re not going anywhere.

The most likely result of the events of this finale, is the Others and the castaways teaming up, probably against the Widmore Foundation, the original progenitors of the Dharma Foundation.

Reports are that the ruins is the big set for season 4. With most of the Others dead, they might as well merge.

Carl and Alex before this all went down.

This is going to make most of Season 2 look really strange in hindsight. How can you possibly go back and take Ben seriously when you know he’s going to do the biggest face turn of all time?

Other loose ends rattling around in my big fat brain:

  • The whole point of whose funeral it was is likely going to wait for awhile.
  • Walt is like 45. I really don’t think the mostly white audience is going to notice if you do what we all want you to do and swap in Lil Bow Wow as Walt. Actually, Bow Wow’s looking pretty old himself these days. We have it on good authority that child stars age twice as fast as normal humans…on the ISLAND!!!
  • Jack’s crazy map set-up indicates that even someone who has been on the island can’t get back there. If that’s the case, then whatever tanker Naomi originated from is a bunch of people who know about the island.
  • There’s the distinct possibility that Ben et al are prisoners are on the island, and the natives were prisoners of this corporation.
  • Clearly when Naomi said the whole world thinks you’re dead, that was a lie. From the way Jack got reacted to back on Planet Earth, that was a big lie.
  • The name of the funeral parlor Jack goes to, “Hoffs/Drawlar,” is an anagram for “flash forward.” Stupid.
  • So…Walt…or the smoke monster…is acquainted with Naomi. This seems obvious, as Locke couldn’t kill his own father, but plants a knife in her back in like five seconds.

More screencaps here.

Damon Lindehof gave a fun interview today, although this bodes well for no one:

At the very same time, we were starting to think about what the effect of the second season finale was going to be, with Desmond turning the fail-safe key. And we didn’t want to kill off Desmond, but because this fail-safe key existed as sort of a last resort, we wanted there to be really severe ramifications for Desmond turning it. We didn’t want him to get a free pass. And we felt that it would be cool if it involved time travel in some way. But instead of doing sort of a traditional time travel and creating paradoxes and all that stuff, we just did [the episode] “Flashes Before Your Eyes.” When that experience ended, we wanted him to be able to see the future, and we thought it would be cool if [his visions] always kind of related to Charlie and Charlie’s death, as opposed to seeing 50 different things. That way, he would struggle all season with the idea of whether or not Charlie’s death was inevitable.


We thought it would make Charlie enormously heroic. He is a character who I think the audience has really liked, and he has, during the course of the show, demonstrated real heroism. Like when he killed Ethan for example.

Who is Ethan?

That’s a rhetorical question. Man the castaways have fucked up the Others. There are like three Others left and only one of them is hot!

Back to the big reveal of the show, which is the present flashbacks. Since they gave us almost nothing to go on — amazing considering the amount of time they spent in the flashback — Season 4 is going to be about Jack and Kate and a bunch of other people getting off the island, and some people — Ben? — not.

Then, of course, there’s the newspaper clipping.

Anyway, we’ve taken some criticism for our love affair with Lost. That’s really dumb, though, as Lost is the greatest thing ever done in the medium of television even if the show ended right now. And it’s not ending right now. Lost should be this weird cult thing but instead it’s popular and people can’t handle that. I got done caring if what I liked what popular about the time I stared supporting the flat tax. Who cares if something is popular if it’s great? Between the sci-fi component, the terrific performances, the awesome action and attention to the overarching storyline, nothing’s ever touched Lost, and nothing probably ever will. And you don’t know how lucky you are if you haven’t seen the show–you don’t have to wait until February for new Lost.

Again, if you’re not along for the ride because of spite…you’re even stupider than the people who think Charlie should have survived the Mikhail grenade, mmkay?

Dick Cheney reviews Lost for this recording. He probably likes Big Love a whole lot, so who knows if this is his siren song, really?

You can relive almost sixteen glorious weeks with Cheney here.

I can’t believe we got the fuckin’ fifth pick either.

This soundtrack may never attain cult status, but the movie will.

“Eyes” — Rogue Wave

Rogue Wave website. Congrats on their new kidney.

“First Breath After Coma” — Explosions in the Sky

“The Only Moment We Were Alone” — Explosions in the Sky

“If You Ever Did Believe” — Stevie Nicks

“Sweet Misty” — Ben Reynolds

Not this Ben Reynolds, this Ben Reynolds.

2 thoughts on “In Which More People Say More Dumb Things About What Has Got To Be The Greatest Season Finale Of All Time

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