In Which Two Contrasting Views About the Sexes Embroil Themselves In My Brain Cavity

So I was sitting around the other night and Rachel who lives in Philly sent me this e-mail:

Girls suck. the only thing they can do half good is suck dick, but i bet guys could do that better, if they actually got their hands dirty and went for it. Girls are bitches. They want everything, because their parents promised them everything. They get all insecure and honest and beautiful, and then when you get really close, they just explode and get selfish and ambitious and they answer call waiting while you are on call, waiting. SHIT. Well if it makes you feel any better, im reading Your blog right now, listening to mp3s you have posted over the last month. When people have a blog it feels like their lives are always happening and in control…………………………..PEACE BE WITH YOU ALEX this life is going to be long and filled with too many people,,,, strangers are usually going to seem boring,,, friends are going to be addicting and hard to give up. If i were you id get involved with reading/writing/singing/movies/beer/dancing these next few days

love rach

Then I was talking to this other friend of mine who read the previous e-mail and she felt she had to provide a rejoinder:

Men play Space Invaders and dream about shooting the invaders into the shape of a vagina. A man is stupider than a dog in the shape of a man. Men give you cab fare and believe it’s payment for sex. Men go visit Asian prostitutes on 53rd street with a mohawk and forget to tip. Your boyfriend’s best friend courts you for half to three quarters of the month, takes you out to a movie, buys you a cup of hot chocolate while your boyfriend is away in the West Bank helping refugees, and then holds your hand on the way home, tells you how much he loves your boyfriend, how much that fondness means to him, and then sticks his tongue down your throat. He calls you the day your boyfriend’s back from Gaza to say, “Your boyfriend’s a faggot.” Three months later he finally persuades you and it’s awful, like Batman Forever but with sex. Guys take your virginity while wearing lacrosse helmets. It’s always extremely inappropriate, it always sucks afterwards, and there’s always the possibility that you might never feel good about sex again.

That’s all true, too. If Molly rears her head in this conversation, watch out both sexes. I can’t decide which is more culpable. Again we can only point in one direction: the Jewish menace taking over our blogs and dormitories.

“The Warning” — Hot Chip (mp3)

“Old Piano” — Frou Frou (mp3)

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