In Which We Mourn Humankind On A Sunday With Solar Jams

Beginning to See The Light?

by Molly Lambert

douches
Kevin Federline, Pete Wentz, Steve Aoki, Benji Madden, Cisco Adler, and Joel Madden get down in Brett Ratner’s basement disco. Photograph by Brett Ratner.

K-Fed looks like a cardboard cut-out of himself. Somehow he’s still doing better than Britney these days. A cardboard cut-out of Britney is doing better than Britney these days.

okay
R. Kelly Vs. Broken Social Scene courtesy of The Hood Internet, which appears to be in Chicago

R. Kelly Molests God-Daughter, Bribes Her To Lie At The Trial

I'm a flirt
Kelly: “I’m a flirt”

According to the Chicago Sun-Times, when R&B singer R. Kelly goes on trial for alleged child pornography Sept. 17, his attorneys plan to call to the stand the woman prosecutors say was the underage girl in the sex video. The woman, who turns 23 in September, is expected to testify she is not the girl in the video.

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Kelly to girl’s family: “Keep it on the down low”

Prosecutors are expected to call to the stand her friends, relatives, friends’ parents and others to testify she was the girl in the video and appears to be about 14 when it was made. The video shows a man prosecutors say is Kelly engaging in sex acts with and urinating on the young girl. Out of an original 21 counts of child pornography against Kelly, 14 remain. The singer-songwriter, who has sold 37 million albums, faces up to 15 years in prison if convicted.

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Trapped In A Jail Cell?

Kelly refers to the girl as his “god-daughter” on the album liner notes of his “TP2.com” album. Her father played bass for Kelly. The girl and her parents reportedly have told police and a grand jury that she was not the girl in the video. But the girl’s aunt confirmed for the Sun-Times it was her niece on the video and that she appeared to be about 14 at the time. At a court hearing two summers ago, the girl’s former best friend testified it was her friend in the video and that she remembers the time well, when both were 14, because both girls had the same haircut.
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Judge to Kellz: “It was the
same girl!”

Though she did not mention it on the stand, court papers indicate the friend said she and the other girl hung out with Kelly starting in the summer after sixth grade. Another friend, and her mother, said at the same 2005 hearing that the woman who will testify is the girl in the tape. The Sun-Times has never named her, because she was a minor at the time. It has been more than five years since Kelly was first charged. On Wednesday, both sides agreed to be ready for trial Sept. 17. The trial is expected to last three to four weeks.

On the bright side, I saw Sunshine, which was really really great and I can’t encourage you enough to go see it. Definitely the PLURiest sci-fi movie ever made, meaning if 2001 is LSD this film is certainly MDMA. Really awesome. I love that Danny Boyle is doing genre excursions. I also love that he called the British film industry “occasional.” Despite what Spielberg might think, Boyle’s definitely the closest thing to Kubrick going.

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the whole movie is just like WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW even when it’s tense

It puts you in a total trance. Time and money exceptionally well spent. A ridiculous number of indelibly beautiful shots and sequences. You gotta see it in a theater. Transplendent. Insanely gorgeous old-school visual effects. It’s the movie The Fountain thought it was. Just go.

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WHOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAA HOW AM I DOOOOOOOOOING THAAAAAAAAAT

Never Look at the Sun – The Delgados: mp3

Fuzzy Sun – Jim O’Rourke: mp3

Although The Sun Is Shining – Fleetwood Mac: mp3

Way Behind The Sun – The Pentangle: mp3

Hello Sunshine – Relatively Clean Rivers: mp3

A Little Bit Of Sunlight – The Kinks mp3

Ride Into The Sun (Live) – The Velvet Underground: mp3

5 thoughts on “In Which We Mourn Humankind On A Sunday With Solar Jams

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