OK so sometimes, it happens. We can’t write or express ourself in the way that we want to. We’re speechless.
For me this occurs a lot, especially since I do admit it, I like meeting new people and sometimes you will just meet someone and find out things about them and perhaps even feel something, although the meeting itself seemed harmless, but you can’t say what that is.
So you get your friend to write the e-mail to express your feelings on the matter. Although I am pretty easy to read so most people can imagine how I feel, I usually try to farm out my more sensitive e-mailings to, you know, women. For all their flaws they know how the peons of their species think.
I needed the help…or I didn’t. I asked a girl for coffee. These things happen. The young lady in question in this particular thought experiment I spent about an hour with. My co-writer and I really had trouble because even though it was only an hour, it seemed like a lot happened. Here’s what we came up with back in that year of our lord 2005:
I’ve been meaning to write you for a while. Last week when we had coffee, I left with a lot of things to say. Here are some of them:
1. I feel weird that your dad was the captain of the exxon valdez, i don’t mean to be judgmental, but those seals didn’t deserve to die
2. I think that you’re pretty, maybe not totally my type, but i could get used to it
“60/40” — Nico (mp3)
“Genghis Khan” — Nico (mp3)
3. It was more fun than I could have imagined, and yet strangely unsatisfying. What did you think? I often wonder how I come across in first moments of intimacy
4. I just wrote a chapter in my novel about Milwaukee. You are from Wisconsin, so I’m going to have to say that you inspired a lot of the best material. What I’m saying is, I’ve immortalized you in the greatest piece of fiction ever written.
6. I was wondering about what you told me about your parents, about being neglected and stuff. Frankly, as I told you, I can sympathize but I can’t really identify. I was wondering if you ever thought about divorcing them, like Macauley Culkin did.
7. Do you speak any other languages? Usually I like to know that about a person upfront. Once I started flirting with this chick who spoke Portuguese, it was pretty sweet but it didn’t materialize. I mean, do you speak Portuguese? No, of course not. Why would you.
8. But, like, do you speak French or anything?
9. I kept this blog for a long time, you might have read it. Anyway, I feel pretty distant from that time in my life now. I used to write a lot of stuff about politics, and sometimes about TV shows. now, i don’t care about much of anything except that new shwarma place on meeting street and keeping my head above water. It’s strange how much things change in a matter of months. But who I am talking to, you know that.
10. I just got into the New School MFA program, I’m scared about going. What do you think you’re going to do after college. People pretend that they hate that question, but I don’t think anyone does. As our coffee date showed, people LOVE to talk about themselves, you know?
ok, i love you. or, i could.
Now those are quality emotions! I think we can all be proud of the man, or lack thereof, that I was in 2005. And wow, posting it on the Internet. I have only gotten more mature since then.
It’s times like these when you realize no matter how much of a fuck you are, your parents will still probably get you something for your birthday.
That’s not an idle plug, Virgos rule.
“Valley of the Kings” — Nico (mp3)
“Tananore” — Nico (mp3)
“Afraid/Femme Fatale (live)” — Nico (mp3)