In Which Everything I Touch Turns To Rhythm

By D’Aziz

Kanye West – “Homecoming” ft Chris Martin. The last time Kanye dropped an album I initially claimed the only good song on it was the masterpiece “Gone.” I later repented, even the track with the doucheopotamus from Maroon 5 was listenable – wack falsetto “hook” notwithstanding. This time around I’m ready to jump on the bandwagon. Indeed, I’ve already demonstrated my willingness to accept clown/genius juxtapositioning with my pimping of the Jay Z track “Beach Chair,” produced by and featuring Chris Martin of Coldplay. Unfortunately, I’m presented with a situation in which I cannot help but let the haterade flow forth, and this time I won’t be apologizing. Not that this track is horrible…for adult contemporary, but hardly what I expected on Kane’s junior album.

I don’t understand this trend of getting toolish white dudes (John Mayer, Adam Levine, Elton John, Chris Martin) to guest on rap albums. I suppose it might make sense from a business standpoint in situations where there is a general need to appeal to the non-rap audience, but I’m pretty sure soccer moms, teenyboppers, and frat boys around the country already love Kanye. Undeniably skilled producer or not, he’s still corny on the level of Gap with AIDS American Apparel. Dude needs to stop reading Vice and get rid of the hopster advisers:

Still, West doesn’t always get it right. “I mess up so much,” he said of his forays into fashion, art and the like. He pontificated at length about some of his missteps, particularly with style. (The lavender tuxedo he wore to the 2007 Grammys is a particular sore spot.) “For me to not be on the Vanity Fair best-dressed list, it’s good,” he said. “It’s motivation. Some people are gifted at specific things, but I had to develop a certain taste level. The thing I’m most talented at is the ability to learn.”

Jay Dee – “Two Can Win.” One brilliant producer calls for another (more brilliant) one. It’s a testament to Dilla’s greatness that even an incomplete track like this can rock the Monday out of you. I can’t wait until the Chinese master human cloning and we can bring this genius back for a second run.

Left Banke – “Walk Away Renee.” The Renee in question apparently lives in the Yay Area. Speaking of the Yay Area, be afraid.

David Bowie – “Rebel Rebel.” You’re a juvenile success but your face is a mess.

Johnny Cash – “I See A Darkness” ft Will Oldham. Sure Will Oldham is all rap parodies and giggles these days, but there was a time when he saw a darkness.

Cap’n Jazz – Theme from “90210.” “And they don’t give a hoot if I’m a virgin.” Oh Brenda, of course they do.

D’Aziz is a French sickness 

4 thoughts on “In Which Everything I Touch Turns To Rhythm

  1. all you are seeing is an evolution of rap. im 24 years old and have been listening to rap since dr. dre first dropped the chronic when I was in the 6th grade and the mainstream rap out there – mainly the southern style of rap music that is so dominant nowaydays – doesn’t appeal to me.

    unfortunately, ive graduated college, work in silicon valley, and generally have a life that is the exact opposite of what you hear on rap radio stations. so yes, rap has to appeal to a new audience of people who grew up listening to some real classic shit and are now bombarded with corporate music run amok.

  2. I’m also 24, have been listening to rap since well before The Chronic, have graduated from college, and work in Silicon Valley…but Chris Martin does not appeal to me on “real classic shit” level.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s