In Which Catholic People Will Change Your Life For The Better Or In The More Likely Scenario Worse

Religion, What Is It Good For?

by Alex Carnevale

Considering what’s happening to decoy subway wallets, it’s a good thing we’re turning to religion. On the other hand,

Too bad the NYPD never heard of a recent experiment by Barnard students. They dropped wallets in the streets, and according to the school, “In 132 drops from the Bronx to Brooklyn, the wallet was stolen a mere 2% of the time. The overwhelming majority of New Yorkers returned the wallet or attempted to return the wallet – sometimes going to extreme lengths to help.”

I would never return a wallet, unless I was arrested and forced to. That’s just the kind of guy I am.

The Archdiocese of New York reaches out:

But advocates of those who have been abused by priests complain that the church must more clearly point the finger at the most likely perpetrators preying on children.

“Too much is made of the creepy stranger, when predators are actually most often the adults we have taught kids are trustworthy,” said David Clohessy, national director of the Survivors Network of Those Abused by Priests (SNAP). “It does seem as though church officials are still reluctant to admit that, in fact, their own clergy can be – and are – predators.”

In the book, after a series of dire warnings about strangers bearing gifts and online predators wishing to meet children, priests are finally mentioned – but as part of a word search for a list of adults that can be trusted.

They also seem to have zero idea what a blog is.

Father Paul Keenan is a d-bag.

The wonders of Queens.

To be fair, I’ve had a grudge against the Catholic religion long before it turned out all their leaders preferred the company of young men.

I also believe most religion is absurd, so it’s not just the Catholics. I’m sure there are some Catholics who aren’t liars and hypocrites. At the same time, the Catholic church beat the living shit out of my father for years and years while they played Peter Piper with the young people, so I have some stake in the matter.

“But because I am a Catholic, and no Catholic has ever been elected president, the real issues in this campaign have been obscured — perhaps deliberately, in some quarters less responsible than this. It is apparently necessary for me to state once again — not what kind of church I believe in, for that should be important only to me — but what kind of America I believe in. I believe in an America where the separation of church and state is absolute.”

— John F. Kennedy

What else is there to know about a candidate’s religion, except for fact that we know that Mike Huckabee is roundly intolerant of other people’s faiths, kind of how I am roundly intolerant of the Archdiocese of New York?

Jesus.

Hey, angel. I heard you’re also a person. That kid is getting beat up, you want to lift a freakin’ finger you flying hussy?

Some people lie. A LOT. How you could have the balls to lie so brazenly to children and then condemn other people bothers me deeply. This is what is pernicious about all religion.

Alex Carnevale is the editor of This Recording. He lives under the iron reign of the Archdiocese of New York.

PREVIOUSLY ON THIS RECORDING

“Evolution” — Cat Power (mp3)

“Our Day Trip” — Nina Nastasia (mp3)

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