In Which Our Disaffected Senior Contributor Puts His Fingers In His Ears

My first reaction to Pitchfork’s top 10 tracks of 2007

by D’Aziz

On a scale of cool to douche, people who take all their musical cues from Pitchfork score an American Apparel. They are only slightly above people who take all their musical cues from movies, television, and advertisements. With all this end of year bullshit, this classic post from Gossiping Bitches really sums up how I feel. It’s always easier to hate than to create, so here’s my anti list:

1. LCD Soundsystem – “All My Friends.” Not the best song on Sound of Silver, yet inexplicably crowned the song of the year. I guess if the white boys who write these lists can relate to the lyrics then it must be awesome. “Wah wah I don’t go to college anymore and I’m getting fat but I still want to do yay and dance.”

battles

2. Battles – “Atlas.” It’s okay. I can think of approximately 1,000 songs I liked better this year.

“Atlas (DJ Koze Remix)” — Battles (mp3)

3. Panda Bear – “Bros.” What is freak folk? The only people who listen to this stuff are well to do liberal arts grads, freaky! Not to mention “Comfy In Nautica” is the obvious pick.

“Comfy in Nautica” – Panda Bear (mp3)

4. MIA – “Paper Planes” Remix. Okay, dope track, but so was “Ice Ice Baby.” M.I.A. cannot rap, write, or dance. Does she do her own production? If not I don’t understand what exactly she brings to the table. Diplo saved her the first time around, The Clash do it this time.

M.I.A.

5. Rihanna – “Umbrella.” Here’s what I had to say earlier this year.

6. UGK – “International Players Anthem.” Black people Pitchfork says it’s okay for you to like: Jay Z, Lil Wayne, UGK, Outkast, R Kelly, Dipset, Wu Tang.

7. LCD Soundsystem – “Someone Great.” Fair enough, awesome track, perhaps only second to “Get Innocuous” on Sound of Silver.

“Get Innocuous” — LCD Soundsystem (mp3)

lcd soundsystem, kind of

8. Justice – “D.A.N.C.E.” This song went from awesome to annoying after about 10 listens. That’s okay, what wasn’t okay was the way DANCE had a delayed infection so – to use a horrible metaphor – after I had gotten over the flu all these other people kept coughing on me months later.

9. Animal Collective – “Fireworks.” Fair enough. (mp3)

10. Jay Z – “Ignorant Shit.” It’s like they made a point of intentionally selecting the second or third best tracks from popular albums to be like “we still got it!” “Roc Boys” and “Success” are the obvious winners from American Gangster.

“Roc Boys (And the Winner Is…)” – Jay-Z (mp3)

Our senior contributor doesn’t celebrate the birth of Christ, but he wishes you a good one while you praise some made up dude.

PREVIOUSLY ON THIS RECORDING

The top ten of all time.

Our critically-acclaimed series on Childhood went to Dublin for its penultimate entry.

Christopher Isherwood returned from the dead.

our senior contributor, holding it down

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9 thoughts on “In Which Our Disaffected Senior Contributor Puts His Fingers In His Ears

  1. man w/e, “All My Friends” is both an awesome song AND quite possibly the best attempt a band has made at broadening the appeal of their sound this decade. If nothing else, it does a GREAT job of showing how their reverence for their influences plays out in their songs, which (I would imagine) would probably make their album and (by proxy) their whole steez exponentially more palatable than, say, “Float On” would have made Modest Mouse’s discography, for which it deserves RESPECT KNUX

    having said that, on the list of LCD songs officially released in 2007, “All My Friends” gets utterly annihilated by that piano-house track on 45:33. I mean UTTERLY.

    also, as I continue to talk to myself, I am bewildered beyond belief at all of the love given to Panda Bear and Animal Collective and their ilk this year. I would lay down my life for Sung Tongs and I owe the scene an unrepayable debt for introducing me to Vashti Bunyan, but literally everything else even tangentially connected thereabouts makes me break out in rage-filled hives. You would think that Pitchfork might have at least gravitated towards the British neo-folkies – I mean, that Kate Nash album may not be as High Quality an Experience as Strawberry Jam, but it’s leaps and bounds more satisfying in terms of actual songcraft.

    finally, congratulations to Battles for proving to me that it is, in fact, possible for a band to be even less interesting than Mogwai.

  2. All the M.I.A. hate is patently sexist and I’m beyond sick of hearing it from dudes. I’d call you a racist too but I know you don’t smell like sour milk. You’d all love to lick Ms. Arulpragasam’s leather boots and you know it deep down in your womyn-fearing souls.

    Oh and fuck Justice, LCD SS, and Hot Chip. They are the three horsemen of the Suckocalypse. Techno sucks way worse than disco. At least disco has soul.

  3. someday footage of MIA’s first concert in Amurrica will be released, and there will be a shot from the stage facing out.

    the tableaux of the front row will look like indian girl-indian girl-indian girl-asian girl-indian girl-asian girl-James-indian girl-asian girl

    anyway, my larger point is that her new album is terrible. needs moar Richard X.

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