In Which We Draft Out The Election And Somebody Owes Me a Porsche If Fred Thompson Wins

As campaign week rolls on, it’s time for

Draft Day

by Alex Carnevale

Because I am both cruel and unusual, I made Danish and Becca draft presidential candidates against me for cash prizes and rough sex. We’re trying to predict who will win here, and the candidates are weighted in our minds based on the likelihood of winning the nomination and presidency, or being on the ticket as Vice President.

Points structure:

1 point for each of the following

-picking the president
-picking the vice president
-picking the republican presidential candidate
-picking the republican vice presidential candidate
-picking the democratic presidential candidate
-picking the democratic vice presidential candidate

1. Barack Obama (Alex)

Maureen Dowd has been totally on fire lately with the trademark meanness and you realize why she won a Pulitzer a million years ago:

But he notes that Obama’s abandonment by his African father at the age of 2 marked him. “Much of the excitement that surrounds him comes from the perception that he is only lightly tethered to race,” Steele writes. “Yet the very arc of his life — from Hawaii to the South Side of Chicago — has been shaped by an often conscious resolve to ‘belong’ irrefutably to the black identity.” (Obama wrote that he dropped a white girlfriend partly because of her race.)

Where I come from, the dropping of a white girlfriend is celebrated.

Karl Rove on Barack. When Karl Rove starts writing hit pieces on you, that’s when you know you have political power.

 2. Hillary Clinton (Becca)

Becca: I take Hillary and I’ll suffer for it.

The stridently-moral-unless-Republicans-are-doing-something-bad Catholic Peggy Noonan hated Hillary from the first moment Mrs. Clinton came out of that alien shaped egg in the middle of the ocean. The Case Against Hillary is kind of like a thinly veiled self-hatefuck from Peggy to Hillary. It’s an astonishing book. No it’s not, but I like saying that. Noonan’s memoir of the Reagan Years, What I Saw At The Revolution, is a great, great political memoir.

A Political Life in the Reagan Era


This thought occurs that Hillary Clinton’s entire campaign is, and always was, a Potemkin village, a giant head fake, a haughty facade hollow at the core. That she is disorganized on the ground in Iowa, taken aback by a challenge to her invincibility, that she doesn’t actually have an A team, that her advisers have always been chosen more for proven loyalty than talent, that her supporters don’t feel deep affection for her. That she’s scrambling chaotically to catch up, with surrogates saying scuzzy things about Barack Obama and drug use, and her following up with apologies that will, as always, keep the story alive. That her guru-pollster, the almost universally disliked Mark Penn, has, according to Newsday, become the focus of charges that he has “mistakenly run Clinton as a de facto incumbent” and that the top officials on the campaign have never had a real understanding of Iowa.

This is true of Mrs. Clinton and her Iowa campaign: They thought it was a queenly procession, not a brawl. Now they’re reduced to spinning the idea that expectations are on Mr. Obama, that he’d better win big or it’s a loss. They’ve been reduced too to worrying about the weather. If there’s a blizzard on caucus day, her supporters, who skew old, may not turn out. The defining picture of the caucuses may be a 78-year-old woman being dragged from her home by young volunteers in a tinted-window SUV.

3. Mitt Romney (Danish)

Romney’s wedding photo…damn!

4. Mike Huckabee (Danish)

huckabee before after


This is our favorite Huckabee thing so far.

Speaking before a gathering of Christian conservative voters, GOP presidential hopeful Mike Huckabee said legalized abortion in the United States was a holocaust.

“Sometimes we talk about why we’re importing so many people in our workforce,” the former Arkansas governor said. “It might be for the last 35 years, we have aborted more than a million people who would have been in our workforce had we not had the holocaust of liberalized abortion under a flawed Supreme Court ruling in 1973.”

Good lord. No wonder the Dems are calling him the next George McGovern. For my younger readers they are saying that if the Republicans were to nominate him it would be an outright disaster because of how they can make him look.

5. John Edwards (Becca)

6. Fred Thompson (Alex)

A good possible VP candidate.

7. Rudy Giuliani (Alex)

I actually like Giuliani here because he’s also a strong choice for VP. His recently unveiled tax plan is also tremendous.

8. Mike Bloomberg (Becca)

9. Kathleen Sebelius (Danish)

Danish: She’s the female Democratic governor of Kansas, a state that went to Bush in 2004.

Huge error here, as Danish doesn’t take McCain off the board despite two nonsense picks. Also, I didn’t know who she was, making me unlikely to select her.

Sebelius gettin’ down

10. Bill Richardson (Danish)

Bill has now dropped out of the race, but he has vice-presidential aspirations, and would be a good choice for Hillary as VP, so there’s an outside shot here.

11. John McCain (Becca)

Note: we had this draft before the New Hampshire primary, so McCain dropped this far. I still don’t think he’s winning the nomination, as he looks like Dobby the house-elf from Harry Potter, but he’s certainly the front-runner now.

12. Ron Paul (Alex)

13. John Kerry (Alex)

Becca: When does this end?

14. Arnold Schwarzenegger (Becca)

Danish: Unless there’s a constitutional amendment you’re out of luck with that Ahnuld pick.

15. Al Gore (Danish)

Manbearpig sighting!

16. Tom Vilsack (Danish)
17. Evan Bayh (Becca)

He’s also foreign (probably).

18. Sarah Palin (Alex)

the republican governor of alaska, and coincidentally also the mirror universe hillary – her husband’s totally faithful

19. Condi Rice (Alex)

I want to say something about Condi here. The hypocrisy of accusing Hillary-haters of misogyny totally ignores the eight years that the left spent saying filthy and disgusting things about an intelligent and competent woman who was under the charge of the President of the United States. (Please show me all those upper-level women of color in Democratic administrations. Didn’t think so.) No one has gotten it worse than Condi, and simply because she dared to think different than they did and was a woman of color. I hope she gets a shot to represent her own views at some point in a political campaign.

20. Wesley Clark (Becca)
21. Mark Warner (Danish)

The stipulations were that if I win, Becca and Danish must perform Ibsen’s A Doll’s House for my amusement and Danish must change his AIM screenname to Torvald1983. If either of them win, they get the new Nano car.

Alex Carnevale is the editor of This Recording.

“The Name of the Next Song” – Arthur Russell (mp3)


Alex went for Neil Gaiman.

Danish reminded us of all of 2007’s good songs so far.

Molly shone a light on British country-rocker Ian Matthews.

4 thoughts on “In Which We Draft Out The Election And Somebody Owes Me a Porsche If Fred Thompson Wins

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