In Which Now I Know What I Don’t Want I Learned That With You

massivepoolr_468x287.jpg

The Swimming Pool And Other Links

by Alex Carnevale

For a short while there during my adolescent years my dad and I used to go swimming in the mornings. We woke up at approximately 5:30 am to go to the local community pool, where I was forced to view the junk of elderly men in exchange for the pleasant warmth of the water.

massivepool3r_468x307.jpg

damn i want into that pool

Our physical education requirement demanded that we either play a sport, which I did until my freshman year of high school, or keep a P.E. “journal.” I remember thinking to myself: do I exercise, or write a short book about exercising? You can imagine which direction I went in.

I had to give up swimming in the morning when I was sitting in class one day 100 percent certain that my head was going to explode I was so tired. I told my dad that if he woke me up again I was going to pee in his goggles.

massivepool4r_468x307.jpg

did you know that apes can’t swim? me neither. they drown in zoos all the time.

I still had to keep up the journal, though. In my hands it became the story of a father and son, and my unwillingness to practice my butterfly.

My dad is a strong swimmer, he still goes every morning. When I showed him this pool, he was like, “I swim about 1 and 2/3rds of that pool every day.” Man would I like to marinate a chicken in that pool.

poolsy.jpg

my favorite pool previous to this pool was the hearst castle pool

“Scenic World (Pocketknife’s Breathtaken Remix)” – Beirut (mp3)

Julia’s got an enemy. This is her blog, I think.

For example, the enemy posted this on her tumblr:

enemy.jpg

People just don’t understand the internet. If you don’t want people to talk shit about what you write, don’t write on the internet. Haven’t you heard of blogger immunity? With that said, I enjoy Julia getting mad. She tends to look like this when it happens:

julia.jpg

I also jump into an catholic schoolgirl uniform when incensed.

I found out yesterday that Tom Brady’s New York Magical Mystery Tour came to a boutique that one of my nearest and dearest works at. I forced myself not to yell at her during this following exclusive interview.

TR: What happened?

I sold him some men’s booty underwear. I was like, (when he bought a hat thatI suggested), “You look pretty good in that.” I didn’t even know it was Tom Brady.

TR: Is he a big guy? Why didn’t you throw yourself at him?

He was pretty tall, with a fairly large ass. I noticed the ass right away. I also noticed that he wasn’t all that stylish and happened to have on jeans that looked like they were bought at the Crystal Mall.

(ed. note: the crystal mall is the ghetto mall of southeastern connecticut)

tom-brady-and-bridget-moynahan-01.jpg

TR: That’s not cool. If he had flirted with you, what would you have done?

I thought, “Who is this guy? Is he from out of town? From the mid-west?” I didnt know that he was Tom Brady until after he left. I wouldn’t have flirted back; I didn’t think he was hot enough.

bradyyy.jpg

TR: Sacrilege! I feel embarrassed for you. How did his right foot look?

I didn’t notice it. At one point I said, “Well he is kind of cute, in that really big way.”

TR: He’s the greatest quarterback in history. Repeat that five times to yourself. Did he make good selections?

He didn’t seem to know what he was doing. I laughed when he wanted to buy this really feminine swedish panties for men. He said, “Um, I will have two of those.” He would have bought almost anything I showed him.

TR: You were blessed by God on this day.

Once we accidentally said the same thing, and he was like, “jinx.”

tombrady_handsome_inf.jpg

Kardashian and Bush at Sundance.

G.W. Bush’s favorite painting.

Aesop Rock’s new album.

The way Iraqis see the aftermath of the war.

Jenna Fischer’s blog.

In other news, I have serious questions about Daffy’s new marketing campaign.

daffy.jpg

Cloverfield warning is stupid, get a grip people.

Dan Steinberg’s blog on the Wizards is one of the best things this season. This guy really gets that sports is about the personalities. I love the Wizards and would like to be the waterboy for their team. Go Wizards.

Still speaking of teammates borrowing each other’s clothes, Nick Young’s postgame outfit featured a striped dress shirt under a large gray sweater. Gilbert’s eyes popped when he saw the ensemble.

nick young

“Hey man, talk about my sweater and my shirt you’ve got on,” Gilbert shouted as Nick did his postgame interviews. “Talk about that, how you stole it. Yeah. You ain’t got no answer for that. You came in and stole it.”

“How’d you notice it Gil?” Young asked, amazed. “You’ve got so many sweaters and shirts.”

“He always takes Gilbert’s clothes, he goes over to his house and takes ’em,” Stevenson said.

“I took it, I went into his house and took it,” Young confirmed.

“Animals” – CocoRosie (mp3)

Nico’s song.

Dropped by my label I’m not gonna be able.

This post introduced me to the band The Blakes.

Byron York:

I went to Barack Obama’s rally here, on Sunday night, with a Republican friend who had never seen the Illinois senator in action before. Watching the crowd of more than 3,000 fill up the convention center, watching the people send up waves of energy to Obama, and watching him play off that energy in a speech that was one of the best political performances anyone has seen this year, my Republican friend said, simply, “Oh, s—t.” He recalled the scene from Jaws, in which the small seaside town’s sheriff realizes how big the shark he’s tracking truly is, and says, “We’re gonna need a bigger boat.” What my friend didn’t have to say was that he was deeply worried that Republicans just don’t have a bigger boat.

Congratulations to Good magazine‘s Morgan Clendaniel and urban dork Gideon Friedman on their Scrabble championship for charity. Bingo.

Coachella lineup looks tremendous.

We just can’t compete with The Late Greats when it comes to posting awesome music.

What are you thinking about?

Packing tape art.

Why we flirt.

The Romney brothers look kind of retarded. I would say gaytarded but I once ruined a relationship through the accidental use of that word so I will stick to retarded.

Sex basics.

Goldfrapp over at the magnificent Audio Taco.

Speed of Dark does some great links.

“Modern Love” – The Last Town Chorus (mp3)

How my wife’s affairs saved my life.

Mindy Kaling:

In my efforts to ween myself off of disgusting, stomach-lining-eroding diet soda, I’ve turned to healthful alternatives. For a while it was kombucha, but man, it is expensive, and also it kind of tastes like an alcoholic is peeing in your mouth.

Top notch unconventional hotel rooms.

It’s the Hype Machine people, you just go there.

Vermonters want out of the U.S.

International Delete Your Myspace Day. I won’t be participating this year, but maybe when awesome hotties stop friending me and asking for money to see them naked on their webasites. (That’s a new word I just came up with there. Website + parasite. If Julia Allison claims she made it up, she’s a LIAR.)

Alex Carnevale is the editor of This Recording.

“Let It Die” – Feist (mp3)

PREVIOUSLY ON THIS RECORDING

The wonder of Bob Creeley.

The zone of where your heart should be.

Bernadette Mayer and our double secret picture collection.

Speculating about political futures.

Possible remedies for trouble sleeping.

tiresome.jpg

Advertisements

4 thoughts on “In Which Now I Know What I Don’t Want I Learned That With You

  1. “Coachella lineup looks tremendous”

    “-ly shitty this year”

    I’ll be going to Day 2, no doubt about it (Portishead! Erol Alkan! Hot Chip! Institubes showcase! SebastiAn! et al), but the rest of that lineup is the sprig of broccoli to my inner snarling dog. I mean, Jack Johnson: Coachella Headliner? blorf^a billion.

  2. do you remember the time we went swimming together at the OMAC? I think we got kicked out of the pool for some reason then spent the remainder of the afternoon in the sauna gossiping.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s