In Which We Vivisect Eliot Spitzer’s Motivations

No Country for Pwned Men

by Molly Lambert

Eliot Spitzer’s fish-face of regret…about getting caught

Women don’t really hate men. I mean, granted we hate some men, but only the ones who really deserve it. Eliot Spitzer is the worst kind of hypocrite. But there are those less obvious cases, like when Emosogynists ramble on and on about how they’ve learned something they actually haven’t. But really, we love men. We just try not to date the ones that pattern themselves after fictional guys named Tony (Soprano, Montana, Manero).


I solemnly swear to cheat on my wife with hookers

I believe the issue with Spitzer, like most sexual issues, isn’t really about sex but about power. People who seek office or fame have to be egotistical in order to pursue those positions. If they succeed, it justifies the narcissism that led them to try.

Silda Spitzer has the thousand yard stare of Carmela Soprano

Allowing yourself to represent other people’s interests requires that you believe in Nietzche’s Ubermensch. You must believe you are righter and smarter than the other people who claim to genuinely know what’s best for the masses.

Power also brings cynicism about the civilians who trust in these crooked father figures. And if you really think that you’re superior to other people, you probably will also start to feel that the rules don’t apply to you. The roots of morality are completely tangled up with those of fascism.


Lt. David Paterson, next in line to replace Spitzer. Paterson’s a blind Black man from Harlem who probably doesn’t pay to fuck prostitutes.

Which is why somebody like Eliot Spitzer can prosecute vice while employing it. It’s why metropolitan police departments are almost inevitably crooked and why The Wire will be so tremendously missed. It’s why any hypocrite, especially in the field of sexual deviance, thinks they can get away with it.

Mad Men’s Peggy and Joan talk gender politics at the office

It’s called hubris, and it’s what you need to get elected. It’s the same thing that makes you think nobody’s going to blow the whistle on you when it’s your turn to be wiretapped.


hands across adultery

Why don’t powerful women engage in more shenanigans? Well, sometimes they do. They’re just better at not getting caught. JK (kinda). Mainly it’s that women in positions of authority are under much more intense scrutiny, and can’t risk getting caught fucking up on or outside the job.

Peg O’ My Heart

Also we don’t need to get blowjobs on the side to confirm our masculinity. Being able to advance in the workplace at all is generally enough of a power rush for our formerly chained to the stove gender.


President Peggy Olson (Elisabeth Moss) with Vice President Joan Holloway (Christina Hendricks)

We’re with Gertrude Stein when we say that patriarchy as a system is irreparably fucked. Peggy Olson for President.

Molly Lambert is senior editor of This Recording.



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