In Which Help John McCain Has Lost Himself Again

Our in-house astrologer tackled the star charts of Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama last week. Today she moves on to determine the fate of the one known as John McCain.

The Supersuperdelegates:

Horoscoping the 2008 President Election

by Zelina Kurkova

John McCain
August 29 1936
Colon, PAN

As the Democratic Party pulls its usual pre-election routine of doing everything it possibly can to ensure a Republican victory, oldy oldster John McCain keeps on pressing the flesh. This week he found himself Jewing it up in Israel. McCain was a terrible soldier who found himself in impossible circumstances; he then married a rich white girl and stuck it to her a few times. Why not? Nothing to lose, everything to gain. It’s sad that the McCain personal fortune had come on the backs of his drunk-ass constituency, as Cindy’s money comes from beers. Plus, she was his second wife (his first one was a model). But for the man whose main goal for over a decade was to prevent free speech, it’s sort of par for the course. Virgos should not grow up to be president.

Rising Sign is in 01 Degrees Sagittarius
You are known for being open, frank, outgoing and honest. At times, though, you are also blunt and quite indiscreet. Others have to learn not to take everything you say personally, because you usually do not mean any harm. You appreciate living your life in a straightforward and simple manner – you dislike social niceties and consider them to be hindrances to real communication. You have lots and lots of energy and tend to become quite restless if you feel confined.

at some kind of a wall

Sun is in 06 Degrees Virgo.
Extremely careful and cautious by nature, you value neatness and order above all else. You rigorously practice very high standards of living and conduct and you demand the same of everyone with whom you come into contact. At times, you are so supercritical that you are merely nit-picky. You are also greatly concerned with hygiene, cleanliness and personal health problems. Very likely your health is much better than you think it is – don’t worry so much! Extremely methodical and analytical, you are a perfectionist – this makes you the perfect person to carry out highly detailed, precise operations. But, at times, you pay so much attention to details that you lose sight of the larger issues.

mccain’s strength

Moon is in 28 Degrees Capricorn.
You are serious and shy and very uncomfortable in those situations where spontaneous and exuberant emotional reactions seem called for. An achiever, you prefer doing practical, worthwhile things that produce tangible results. You need role models to respect, love and emulate. You tend to feel that you’re a failure unless you get an important and highly respected position in life. Don’t be so hard on yourself!

Mercury is in 02 Degrees Libra.
You are known for not jumping to conclusions about things. You tend to weigh all possible choices very carefully before making a decision. When in the slightest amount of doubt, you will compromise rather than ruffle any feathers. You are a true raconteur of culture and taste – your ideas and opinions are neat, elegant and refined. A born diplomat, you dislike discord so much that you will go out of your way to make others feel comfortable and at ease. You speak softly and pleasantly.

“The Dog’s a Vapour” – Bauhaus (mp3)

“Endless Summer of the Damned” – Bauhaus (mp3)

his hot daughter’s inane blog

Venus is in 22 Degrees Virgo.
You express your love and affection through selfless service to people or causes. You have a tendency to underestimate yourself and doubt your self-worth. This is very demeaning and should be avoided – learn to love yourself as well as you do others. Your standards of perfection are very high – you are attracted to relationships based on duty and responsibility. You are supercritical of yourself and others and, at times, prefer to be alone rather than deal with any imperfections in yourself or in those with whom you might relate.

Mars is in 12 Degrees Leo.

You are a very proud person. Strong, bold, courageous and self-possessed, you love to be the one to initiate significant actions. When people expect a lot of you, you respond positively and will work hard in order to maintain their respect. But when your dignity or pride is threatened, you tend to become sarcastic, arrogant and domineering. Try not to take any challenge or resistance that you meet as a personal affront. You are very stubborn about your right to live your life according to your own principles.


Jupiter is in 15 Degrees Sagittarius.
You have a very strong sense of ethics and morality. You are widely read and may also be widely traveled because you are sincerely interested in expanding your knowledge of the world about you. At times, you have an annoying tendency to be self-righteous and preachy about your belief system. You are usually quite idealistic and you demand the right to be able to explore the entire world of experiences yourself. Remember to grant others the similar right – be tolerant, not dogmatic.

Saturn is in 20 Degrees Pisces.
Your tendency to think that your life is out of control is based on an unreasonable fear, probably connected with an unfortunate experience with the person who filled the father figure role in your early life. Try to stop having unrealistic expectations about guide figures. Remember that they are merely human, with all the same faults and self-doubts that you have. When you get confused or uncertain, try to simplify your lifestyle – things will then become easier to bear.

hottie harem

Pluto is in 28 Degrees Cancer.
For your entire generation, this is a period of profound global changes, especially in the nature and shape of family structures. In one such period, in the Twentieth Century, major calamities such as depression and world war accelerated the replacement of the old village-oriented extended family by modern cosmopolitan living.

no he’s not

N. Node is in 01 Degrees Capricorn.

You rarely get involved closely with anyone unless he or she has something specific and practical to offer you. You tend to be “all business” when it comes to dealing with others. You’re usually so intently focused on a particular goal that you rarely have time for social niceties or casual fellowship. As such, you’re a valuable member of any team situation and will probably rise to a position of leadership within the group. Your trustworthiness and sense of responsibility are unquestioned. But do try to avoid the temptation to “use” others to reach your goals – they might come to resent you.

Zelina Kurkova is a contributor to This Recording. She is an astrologer living in New York.

“American Hearts” – A.A. Bondy (mp3)


Flashing back to our nonfiction week.

We mourned mankind.

We celebrated our love of the sketch comedy group The State.

One thought on “In Which Help John McCain Has Lost Himself Again

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