In Which These Are These Are The Girls Of The U.S.A. The Principal Girls Of The U.S.A.

Can You Name, Name, Name, Name Them Today

by Molly Lambert

Realer Than Real Deal Holyfield:

Time Out New York interviews Kim “Keeps It Real” Deal:

T.O.: “Cannonball” was a big crossover hit. Ever get sick of it?

Kim Deal: No. That used to be a popular stance for indie-rockers to take. If somebody actually liked one of their songs, then they would hate the song. I was never like that.

T.O.: Did the success of that song cause any jealousy among your indie-rock peers?

Kim Deal: You know, [Pavement’s Stephen] Malkmus is being a bit of a bitch in interviews recently. One thing he said last summer referred to me as “trashy mouth.” And he just did this article in Spin where he alluded to me unpleasantly, saying [something like], “You know, I always thought that Pavement could have had one of those big hits in the early ’90s with ‘Cut Your Hair,’ but I guess people preferred ‘Cannonball.’ ”

T.O.: Are you a fan of his music?

Kim Deal: Yeah, I liked Pavement. But if he keeps fucking smacking his mouth off about me, I’m going to end up not being able to listen to any of their fucking records again. Anyway, I thought, God, man, “Cut Your Hair” isn’t as good of a song as “Cannonball,” so fuck you. How’s that? Your song was just a’ight, dawg.

T.O.: Do you want people to like the Breeders more than the Pixies?

Kim Deal: It doesn’t really make sense like that. It’s like saying I would rather have somebody like my mom and not like my dad. I don’t feel like a winner one way or the other.

T.O.:Are you and Frank Black getting along currently?

Kim Deal: Yeah. No. Whatever.

52 GIRLS:

52 Girls removed from Texas polygamist compound! This is good publicity for the B-52s reunion tour and the next season of Big Love. Bad news for FLDS prophets who want more child brides.

Child welfare officials were looking for foster homes for the girls, most of whom have rarely been outside the insular world of the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. They were being housed for now at a civic center, she said. “We’re dealing with children that aren’t accustomed to the outside world, so we’re trying to be very sensitive to their needs,” Meisner said. The investigation began with a call Monday alleging physical abuse of a 16-year-old girl living there, Meisner said. Authorities first arrived at the compound Thursday evening. They interviewed and searched through the night.

Overqualified

To: Human Resources, Armdale Tea Room
Re: Dishwasher (Casual)

I am writing to apply for the position of “Dishwasher (Casual)” because, let’s face it, dishwashing isn’t a career. I’m not going to sit up all night and worry about the stats on my quarterly dishwashing report. I want to show up for my shift, wash gross half-eaten food off plates for a few hours, and then go home. It sounds like the sort of job that I don’t even need to think about while I’m doing it. I can think about weird sex things or about what if zombies were racist, would they not eat you if they hated the color of your skin? Would you be safe? Or would they eat you out of spite? I need to make a few extra dollars to pay rent, to buy groceries. I don’t want to have to care what your company stands for, or try and make myself sound like some kind of inhuman perfect employee.

It’s like meeting girls. A relationship is just another kind of job, isn’t it. In the beginning you pretend to be that perfect employee. You lie in the interview and then you do your best for a while. You never step out of line. You always wait until you go home to use the bathroom if it’s number two. You shave and brush your teeth every day. When you’re kissing you never pull out the pen and write “whore” on her body unexpectedly. You behave. But how long can that go on before you start going crazy? You have to be yourself. That’s why it’s called being yourself.

Related:

Tina Fey is the principal girl of our hearts

Matt Taibbi Is A Motherfucker

Be A Man, Not A Guy

Dave Chappelle reads his poem “Fuck Ashton Kutcher

Jason Segel talks about small penises and five year engagements

“I Could Have Done This Myself” – Lightspeed Champion (mp3)

“Let the Bitches Die” – Lightspeed Champion (mp3)

“No Surprise” – Lightspeed Champion ft. Florence (mp3)

Lightspeed Champion blog

Jenna Jameson’s Zombie Strippers

Dallas Strip Club Faces No Fine for hiring a 12 Year Old Stripper

Molly Lambert is the senior editor of This Recording.

PREVIOUSLY ON THIS RECORDING:

Marry Me!

Karina Wolf In Treatment

John Ashbery and Harry Mathews

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s