Worst Episode Ever
by Molly Lambert
It is (more than) possible to combine too many culty subgenres. In nerdspeak this is known as “crossing the streams.” To wit, I love Looney Tunes, and I don’t necessarily dislike anime, and you all know how I feel about sci-fi. But combining all three? Bad idea.
Slam Tasmanian from Loonatics Unleashed
I kind of love when real life emulates the inevitable South Park episode about itself. The other elder-nerd reference point here would be Poochie. Or maybe even Splunge. This is like a Mr. Show sketch as written by David Foster Wallace.
Bugs Bunny and his pals are shown updated for the future. The characters’ descendants, Buzz Bunny and the like, will be superhero action figures for a cartoon set in the year 2772
“We all flipped for it,” David Janollari, president of the Kids’ WB, said this week. “We just said, ‘Wow, what a great way to take the classic Looney Tunes franchise that has been huge with audiences for decades and bring it into the new millennium.”’
Ace Bunny is an expert in the martial arts, and used to work in the film industry as an underappreciated stunt-double before joining the Loonatics (just like Bugs Bunny®)
Warner Brothers struggled to make the Looney Tunes characters relevant to modern children, and introduced futuristic-looking “descendants” of Bugs Bunny, Daffy Duck and others in a television series in 2005. But many parents hated the “Loonatics,” which had mohawks and menacing eyes.
Lexi Bunny is the resident gymnast of the Loonatics and your typical mall-a-holic female bunny. Lexi is cool, hip, and always there to help her friends (if she isn’t feeling too concerned with her appearance, that is).
Warner Brothers hopes to “reinvigorate and reimagine” Bugs Bunny and Scooby-Doo through a new virtual world on the Internet, where people will be able to dress up the characters pretty much any way they want. American Greetings is dusting off another of its lines, the Care Bears, which will return with a fresh look this fall (less belly fat, longer eyelashes).
Lexi can use her brain blast underwater, but with different effects than up on the surface. It turns out that Lexi’s brain blast can also knock out mind control waves, and she can hear the language of aquatic animals, because her ears can “tune in” to the frequency.
And 4Kids Entertainment, which licenses the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, will revive them next year in new video games, where they will have more muscles and less attitude. “I love classic Mickey, but he needs to evolve to be relevant to new generations of kids,” Robert A. Iger, Disney’s chief executive, said in an interview.
Reinventing these beloved characters without inflicting indelible damage is one of the entertainment industry’s trickiest maneuvers. Go too far, as Mattel did in 1993 when it gave Ken a purple mesh T-shirt, a pierced ear and the name “Earring Magic Ken,” and it can set off a brand crisis on a global scale.
Danger Duck is the descendant of Daffy Duck His powers include “quacking” (teleporting short distances) and the power orb randomizer, which means that he can produce random orbs of whatever out of his hands.
Earring Magic Ken is the industry’s nightmare. The character, who had blond highlights in his hair and a leather vest, drew howls from consumers, who did not see him as a realistic boyfriend for Barbie.
Danger Duck is in love with celebrity weather girl Misty Breeze, and is the vice president and founding member of her international fan club.
Warner Brothers, by contrast, is leaving the styling decisions up to the customers, some of whom were weaned on virtual worlds like Disney’s Club Penguin (where they can, say, dress a virtual penguin in a pirate costume and make it dance).
Shitty Roadrunner With Mohawk And Laser Gun
“You want a dark, Goth version of Tweety Bird? Have at it,” said Lisa Gregorian, executive vice president for worldwide marketing at Warner Brothers Television.
Inside of the Simpsons Writers’ Room Circa Season 8
David Cohen’s initial vision for Poochie was that he would be annoying to fans because he was wealthy, aloof and unlikeable:
Itchy and Scratchy are laborers in Poochie’s gold mine. Poochie sits on a velvet throne surrounded by bags of money. He drinks champagne as he whips Itchy and Scratchy and lectures them on the value of hard work in a capitalist society. Finally, Itchy and Scratchy get fed up and plan their revenge. They decide Scratchy will present a fake money bag to Poochie. Itchy will secretly be hiding in the bag.
When Poochie raises the bag to inhale the sweet smell of money, Itchy will jab him in the nose with a syringe of poison. Itchy gets in the bag and Scratchy presents it to Poochie, but the plan backfires because Poochie is offended by how small the money bag is. To demonstrate how worthless it is to him, he sets it on fire and uses it to light his cigar. Itchy’s flaming skeleton falls out of the burning bag, and the syringe lands on Scratchy’s toe and kills him, too. Poochie says, “Oh, well, I can always use my millions of dollars to hire more workers. That’s the power of money.” The end.
“My Favorite Year” – Destroyer (mp3)
“Kiss You Better” – Maximo Park (mp3)
“Never Stops” – Deerhunter (mp3)
Molly Lambert is the managing editor of This Recording
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