In Which Tumblrs Are Like Assholes In That Everybody’s Got One

The Tumblies: The Tumblr Awards

by Tyler Coates

Tumblr! It’s the greatest blogging site of our generation! It’s made up of so many different people from different backgrounds and cities, with different opinions! (The majority, of course, are young, urban, liberal white people who love graphic design, Mad Men, and Robert Downey, Jr.)

Tumblr, once heralded as the blogging platform for busy people, quickly turned into the LiveJournal of 2008: it’s a blog software pretending to be a social networking site, where you can collect followers and re-blog glory, and everyone is aiming for a spot on the Tumblr Radar. Forget YouTube: with the power of the re-blog, Internet “fame” can happen much quicker, albeit to a smaller audience. On Tumblr, nearly everyone can have their proverbial fifteen minutes of fame (which, on the Internet, amounts to 24 hours at best).

In the olden days of blogging, you had to put forth the effort to link to someone else. Nowadays, with push-button publishing, Tumblr makes it easy to participate in a meme, a feud, a controversy. On any given day the Tumblr Dashboard reads like a message board: people chime in and give their two-cents, responding to whatever “scandal” is on everyone’s minds. And that’s why we want to reward those special individuals who spend hours upon hours entertaining each other and, more importantly, us.

So if you’re someone who checks your Tumblr dashboard several times an hour for any new re-blogs, enjoys a lot of inside jokes about the Tumblelogs you follow, AND loves award shows (think of the following as the Tumblr version of Bravo’s A-List Awards, only Kathy Griffin is not around and, sadly, Joel McHale was not available to host the show in front of a green screen), we now present THE TUMBLIES.

THE 2008 TUMBLIES, PRESENTED BY THIS RECORDING

Most likely to refer to herself in the third person: AntiKris

Most likely to start a debate about feminism: (tie) Peter W. Knox and Jessica Gold Haralson

Most likely to overshare: The Ch!cktionary

Most confusing: Young Manhattanite

Most likely to get you fired from your job: mathew loves the internet (generally NSFW)

Most likely to hit on Alex Balk: cvxn

Most crossover appeal: Garfield Minus Garfield

Tumblr Sweetheart: Katiebakes

Biggest flirt: SoupSoup

Best dressed: Sara Zucker

Most likely to succeed: Molly Lambert

Nicest smile: The Doree Chronicles

Best account name: thumbwrestlinginbaltimore

Worst account name: rebloggingrebloggingjulia

Gayest (and campiest) account name: Faggotry

Bitchiest, most bitchin’ Tumblr: Frangry

The Tumblr we missed the most: Ryan Adams

The Tumblr we hate to miss the most: Jakob Lodwick

Best Tumblr criticizing an Internet celebrity: Reblogging Julia

Best Tumblr criticizing Internet non-celebrities: Trainwrecks

Worst Tumblr criticizing an Internet celebrity: The Unbearable Balkness of Being

The Tumblr Queen Bee: Julia Allison

Best Supporting Tumblrs: Mary Rambin and Meghan Asha

Best In Drag: Blakeley

Best political Tumblr: Squashed

Biggest conspiracy theorists: Cajun Boy and Karion

Biggest (shortest?) Heartbreaker: Nick Douglas

Best n+1 editor with a Tumblr: Keith Gessen

Best unsolicited advice: Rules for My Unborn Son

Biggest crush (male): Mills (also winning for Biggest Hair)

Biggest crush (female): Molly Young

She reads Domino so you don’t have to: Look Mom

She reads Hipster Runoff so you don’t have to: Britticisms

Best Tumblr by a fictional person: What Would Don Draper Do?

Best Tumblr inspired by a real person: Stevie Nicks Has Never…

Begging you to un-follow them, but you won’t: Young Manhattanite

Begging you to un-follow him, and mission accomplished: Brian Van

Best Avatars:


nudawn


youequalsfucktard


david


allthelatestmoves


faggotry


fek


yourmonkeycalled


justsayjolie

Best niche Tumblrs: News of the Spam World, One Person Trend Stories, SpamBLR

Best poet with a Tumblr: The Septa Haiku

Best Comic Tumblrs (That Aren’t Garfield Minus Garfield): Eat Sleep Draw, Lessons In Loneliness, My Life in a Cube

The Chrissy Hynde Award for Achievement in Music Tumbling goes to Maura Johnston

The Pauline Kael Award for Achievement in Film Tumbling goes to Karina Longworth

And the George Orwell Award for Lifetime Achievement in Blogging goes to Alex Balk:

Tyler Coates is the contributing editor to This Recording. He is in a somewhat abusive love/hate relationship with his Tumblr account

This Recording on Tumblr:

Alex Carnevale

Molly Lambert

Danish Aziz

Tyler Coates

Will Hubbard

Brittany Julious

Tess Lynch

Yvonne Georgina Puig

Melanie Strong

Karina Wolf

Molly Young

Tumblrs We Can Never Un-Follow

It’s Bedtime

BG5000

Call of the Wild

Non-Blog

For When I Feel Like Sharing

Maria Diaz

Skeet On Mischa

Rach

Made In The Dark

White Leather Palace

Rod Townsend

Kia Matthews

Theo Is Jonesing

YumWatch

Rachel Kramer Bussel

Sex, Art, and Politics

hyde or die

Planet Tampon

frangry and antikris, just hanging out

Bunker Complex

News & Booze

There Goes Easy Rider

Republic

aja

what the inside of a tumblr looks like

Up With The Mob

Blogging Via Typewriter

Alex Blagg

Muppet Pants

South Pol

SONGS FOR EASY TUMBLIN’

“I’ll Tumble 4 Ya” – Culture Club (mp3)

“Where Is My Mind” – Nada Surf (mp3)

“Jack Killed Mom” – Jenny Lewis (mp3)

“Love Lockdown” – Kanye West (mp3)

Get this rappr a Tumblr!

PREVIOUSLY ON THIS RECORDING

Famous Lesbians in Love

We Like the Way You Move

Obsessed Times Ten

David Karp: Foundr of the Tumblrverse

Advertisements

30 thoughts on “In Which Tumblrs Are Like Assholes In That Everybody’s Got One

  1. I follow approximately 170 people, almost none of whom are mentioned in this post (except the TR people). I think there’s an “alt Tumblr” and “mainstream Tumblr.” Mainstream Tumblr is the scary world where Petey W Knox and Jessica Gold Harry are actually paid attention to!

  2. Tumbledore, you follow me! I think of a lot of these people as the NYC tumblrs who are always getting into fights. Thank you, Tyler. I’ll never un-follow you either, Seriously, we’re in this for life.

    If I could give an award, it would be this one:
    Most likely to tumble via mobile with her free hand while in bed with you: Pocketnovel

  3. Greetings from California! I’m bored at work so I decided to check out your website on my iphone during lunch break. I enjoy the knowledge you present here and can’t wait to take a look
    when I get home. I’m shocked at how fast your blog loaded on my phone .. I’m not even using WIFI, just 3G
    .. Anyhow, great site!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s