In Which You Should Totally Do Your Own Clothing Line

You Ruined My Pants

by Molly Lambert

Gossip Girl
Season 2 Episode 8
“Pret A-Poor-J”

Some people think we write about Mad Men too much at This Recording. And to them I say, relax, the season is over. Sure we’ll probably run retrospectives until next summer but you don’t have to read them. Shouldn’t you be out playing sports?

To those people not watching Mad Men, it’s not like you can make excuses at this point. You can watch all of both seasons for free here on Surf The Channel. Whatever else you’re doing is less important and not as good. Go ahead, treat yourself.

Anyway as a break from our non-stop coverage of the Mad Men season finale, here’s a liveblog review of the latest episode of fellow sophomore show Gossip Girl, “Pret-A-Poor Jenny”

From Jean Baudrillard’s “Seduction”:

Seduction can most easily be seen when things do not try to confuse themselves with the real (things with meaning), but instead use play and artifice to mimic and exceed the effects of the real. Things are seductive when they undermine the world’s apparent factuality.

For example, trompe l’oeil exists only in the realm of appearances, mimicking the third (missing) dimension: by creating the illusion of the third dimension, one thinks there is more reality than there really is.

Thus there is an excess of appearance. Thus there is appearance with no reality behind it. And this is the secret of seduction: signs with no reality behind them, devoid of the “latent meaning” that the Law model wants. “Seduction is a radical surprise borne of appearances, from a life prior to the mode of production of the real world.”

Les Liaisons Dangereuses

New character Aaron The Artist from RISD is cute. Serena has a total fetish for hipsters. She is just as bad as Dan with his fetish for rich white girls. Aaron’s wearing plaid and little fey scarves and makes sound sculptures.

this groovy kid is a sophomore at RISD right now

If GG were more accurate Aaron would be wearing tie-dye and doing power point art like fellow RISD grad David Byrne. Remember when Vanessa made a video art installation to help Serena and Dan get together? That seemed unnecessarily martyrly. Whatever, Vanessa. Cry me a river, make me a video art installation of a bridge and get over it.

Aaron, artist from RISD

Blair and Chuck’s courtship is, as per usual, the best part of the show. Blair gets the best lines. Somebody pointed out that it seems like Blair has a better writer than the other characters. But part of it is that she just is the most interesting character.

Mindy Kaling objects to candle-light seduction scenes because they are gross. I agree, but Blair is obviously a total cornball with her burlesque strip show and Audrey Hepburn thing. She and Chuck both have a rococo fashion sense and their personalities are by far the most complicated and layered.

“I can skip dinner now that I’m so full of humiliation”

Mini-Cooper’s gross party photographer man-friend wearing a keffiyeh taking shots of Little J in her jaunty fashion bowler. Wouldn’t it be fun if these two little teenage coke whores just partied until they died? Omg this PSA with Jenny McCarthy is insaaaane. omg the Twilight previews are insane, gay vampires!

Looking at myspace photos is not a telegenic activity. “Do you know how to weld?” omg Dan watch out, Serena is totally going to f this artist dude in your cool alt-dad’s Brooklyn gallery.

As per usual, Dan Humphrey is a total Brandon Walsh about everything. He gives square advice that never works because it assumes everyone else is a morally righteous person just because you are, Seth Cohen/Dan Humphrey/Brandon Walsh.

Sure, we could make out. But how about we talk geopolitics and then head to The Peach Pit for some shakes and fries instead?

Serena’s been wearing such boob-shirts since she turned into a “bad girl.” She is still kind of boring though. Vanessa is also really boring. She is the Andrea Zuckerman of Gossip Girl. Being the moral center of a fictional universe is so dull.

Chuck Bass, amoral center of Gossip Girl

C’mon “Aaron From RISD.” No real artisty guy asks a girl out that straight-forwardly. He’d just sort of stare at his feet and mumble until Serena realizes he’s into her. Which would be even harder in this case because Serena mumbles.

Anywhere u go Rufus Humphrey, I’ll follow u down

The hottest guy on this show is not Aaron the RISD artist with his dog the Mets fan, or any of the upper east sider boys, or Dan. It’s RUFUS HUMPHREY. I would let him sing Gin Blossoms covers for me all night. He’s no Sandy Cohen but he makes up for it by being really handsome. Look at the way he can hold all of these animals at once!

I was talking with somebody about how there is a lot of sexual tension between Vanessa and Rufus. I can’t imagine they’ll capitalize on it, because Rufus is the other moral center of the show (booooring) and not a male Julie Cooper. God I still miss Julie Cooper. They should write Melinda Clarke onto GG as Blair’s drunk aunt or Bart’s new mistress or something.

Ooh the dramatic music of Blair’s feelings. Molly McAleer more or less explained sex and dating in this video. Apparently the hip photographer also went to RISD, and he’s into fassssshion. Nate Archibald is also a complete square. He’s pretty but he’s not funny enough yet. He will never be Luke from the OC.

Chuck would be a lot hotter if he STOPPED WEARING BOWTIES. Gossip Girl is obsessed with seduction, to the point of absurdity. Chuck and Blair need to stop acting like a couple of theater kids. Seriously. Enough with the sexy mind games and furtive grasps. Just fuck and call it a day.

Meanwhile, on 90210, a bunch of white people make out at a dance and Michael from The Wire is there. Meanwhile, back on Gossip Girl Dan sabotages Chuck and Blair, because he is a little bitch who hates the pleasure of others. Wow, the Tatu cover of “How Soon Is Now”! You really know me, show.

Chuck Bass and Bart Bass both talk in the same voice as GOB and Alec Baldwin on 30 Rock. God Serena, don’t tell Dan you’re going to date Aaron, you asshole. Now that Serena’s ditching Dan, he’s going back to Vanessa for a pity cuddle.

Chuck Bass appears out of the shadows in a Pee-wee suit. I don’t really understand what he’s going for here with the extended self cock-block. Is it just for our narrative pleasure? Some kind of crazy super extended neg? Not so latent gay?

Jenny thinks her brother’s Brandon Walsh influence has rubbed off on Nate Archibald, but it turns out he’s just trying to get into Little J’s shirt-dress. Apparently he likes really bad haircuts.

Molly Lambert is the managing editor of This Recording

I Can’t Make It Home – Devin The Dude (ft. L.C.): (mp3)

I Don’t Chase ‘Em – Devin The Dude (ft. Snoop Dogg): (mp3)

In My Draws – Devin The Dude: (mp3)

Let Me Know It’s Real – Devin The Dude: (mp3)

Thinkin’ Boutchu – Devin The Dude: (mp3)

Chuck Bass Is The King Of Bitch Mountain

PREVIOUSLY ON THIS RECORDING:

Punk Rock Purity With The Jonas Brothers

Archie And Friends On The Internet

David Foster Wallace On John Updike

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7 thoughts on “In Which You Should Totally Do Your Own Clothing Line

  1. Speaking of appearing out of the shadows, what was UP with Nate this episode?

    Secondly, if I hear the three little words “three little words” one more time I’m going to punch Blair right in the headband.

    As for Rufus and Vanessa, if they ever do get it on, Dan will obvs walk in on them, because that’s what Dan does. And then they’d all explode in a giant ball of misplaced sanctimony. Little J would refrain from crying at the funeral-a-trois so as not to smear her eye-grease.

  2. I love Chuck Bass’ bow ties.

    &

    The only ugly thing Blair has ever worn was the outfit she had on at the end of the Yale episode – with the hat and the ugly shirt or whatever.

  3. An impressive share! I’ve just forwarded this onto a coworker who had been doing a
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