Sports Corner: Electoral College
by George Ducker
It’s one thing when BHO wins the election, but I have to say that it is quite another thing when, two days later, he’s pictured on the NYT website leaving the gym and wearing a Chicago White Sox hat as he crosses to a bank of black SUVs. (They changed out the picture for a strangely composed bit of post-speech huggery.)
Not only is Obama on his way to the White House, but he digs the Sox. Can you top jubilance with more jubilance?
You can’t if you’ve got a direct line to Ozzie Guillen and one of those dumb, retro-’83 hats with the little bobbly ballplayer sitting on top of your printer.
Chicago people all over Chicagoland (and most of them are Cubs fans either by birthright or apathy) must be silently roiling over the fact that the one time they get a politician of the Big Shouldered variety in the White House, he’s a Sox fan.
“I’m not one of these fair weather fans,” then-Senator Obama said. “You go to Wrigley Field, you have a beer, beautiful people up there. People aren’t watching the game. It’s not serious. White Sox, that’s baseball.”
Mayor Daley sez, “No comment”
All of this only further begs the question: so who’s Rahm rooting for?
My guess is that Rahm is too busy watching old VHS tapes of ECW wrestling matches and prying off his own fingernails for fun.
Brandon Marshall also tried to get in on the post-election excitement with a Black Panther-inspired touchdown celebration during Denver’s Thursday night game against Cleveland. Only, he never got the salute off.
Fellow receiver Brandon Stokely, fearful of a fifteen-yard penalty, put the kibosh on Marshall just as he’d pulled the other glove out of his pants. There was still a minute and 22 seconds left in the game and, as usual, the Broncos were just barely winning.
Marshall wanted to add his own personal update to the raised-fist imagery of John Carlos and Tommie Smith during the 1968 Olympics. He wanted to raise a black and white glove to symbolize racial progress. The rest of his team just wanted to win the damn game.
You’ve got to hand it to Daulerio for noting that “it’s still a little shameful that some of Buck’s takeaway was that it’s not ‘ok to write that publicly,'”
Fight seriousness in two ways:
With this video of Laurence Taylor and by allowing yourself the distinct pleasure of this Alabama fan, known only as Cowboy, and his obscenity-laced musings regarding the Crimson Tide’s total SEC dominance this season:
You don’t even have to watch it, you can just listen.
Now, after the big win over LSU on Saturday, Cowboy can reasonably say that they’re doing “10-and-0 on that ass.” It shouldn’t really have been that big a win. The Tide should never even have let things get as close as they did.
Nick Saban’s near-coronary in the locker room at halftime (listen, you motherfuckers we’re TIED) must have done something to shore his team up, as they returned to the field and, after a bit of stumbling around while QB John Parker Wilson got his makeup on, they somehow won in overtime.
The deck seemed perplexingly stacked against No. 1-ranked Alabama from the start, as they were traveling into hostile LSU territory, where one might be likely to pass a Saban effigy burning in the middle of an intersection. (Turns out it was actually a free beer-sponsored publicity stunt for a bunch of condominiums)
See, Saban used to coach LSU, but he split for the pros and then ended up at Alabama, and now the entire southern region of Louisiana would like nothing more than to see him dead. In the words of one individual, “That son of a b-, I feel like he’s f— my wife.'”
Wright Thompson’s article illuminates all of this.
Also omg Steve Spurrier fan art:
The Titans are still undefeated after walloping the Bears 21-14 at Soldier Field. This is only even more amazing when you factor in the delicate sensibilities regarding their season’s starting QB and the ol’ warhorse the Titans dragged from an open grave to replace him.
I’m still unsure about Kerry Collins. He’s got a bit of the lower-Appalachia, John Rocker-on-the-MTA stink about him. I grew up close enough to Charlotte that bits of race and gender-related, although generally unsubstantiated, badness would creep from bars and other late night establishments into the local newspaper.
When, in 1997, I watched from the nosebleeds as Broncos lineman Bill Romanowksi broke Collins’ jaw during a preseason game, I couldn’t help but think that it was a good, just thing.
Titans fans should get their jollies while they can, as it is certain that Vince Young is sitting in a green room somewhere listening to Kierkegaard on tape and plotting his eventual comeback as the first quarterback with preferred emotional attenuation.
Shaun Hill also knows sadness.
Lastly we can all hold hands and celebrate the Arizona Cardinals’ Monday Night win over (gasp) the San Francisco 49ers. Certainly the six people who tuned in were riveted.
Kurt Warner, your ageless wonder
Tune into this though: the Cardinals are the proud poppas of a staggering 6-3 record and they lead the potter’s field of the NFC West by FOUR. Happy Tuesday.
George Ducker is the senior contributor and sports enthusiast for This Recording. His dodgeball team will be playing their final match next Monday night at the Staples Center, of all places. Please direct all positive thoughts or ill will in this regard towards your preferred deity.
J. TILLMAN ALSO PLAYS DRUMS FOR FLEET FOXES, DO WE HAVE YOUR ATTENTION?
“James Blues” – J. Tillman (mp3)
“Laborless Land” – J. Tillman (mp3)
“Vacilando Territory” – J. Tillman (mp3)
“Cheers” – J. Tillman (mp3)
“Two Years On Film” – J. Tillman (mp3)
“A Fine Suit” – J. Tillman (mp3)
“If I Get To the Borderline” – J. Tillman (mp3)
PREVIOUSLY ON THIS RECORDING
We explored R. Kelly from moment to moment.
While arguing, we dreamt of importance.
We never knew our sister was our mother.