In Which Everything Is Trending Up

2009 Old and New Trends

by Rachel B. Glaser

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POLITICAL TRENDS

The word “Obama” has not run out, now more then ever, the word has a glow on it, its learned to draw itself 3-D, it makes me think of a superstar rookie, a new kind of a food, it makes me think of stores that put O-Rama after, like Sound-O-Rama, Crafts-O-Rama, Pets-O-Rama, Obama doesn’t sound like a word with an end. The -ama can go on and on, you might spell it Barack Obama4, if you are a math guy, a physics gal, an alien proficient in Microsoft Word.

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LOCAL TRENDS

Back on Earth, winter has got everyone gloomy. Everyone is losing a job, or else involved in long conversations about change in their own life — location, attitude, careers. My dog gets bored and starts eating sticks. Award show airs after award show, I watch them all and cry from my own private depths. Tears are the tiny citizens of my insides, heaved in minor drama to the outside.

CINEMATIC TRENDS

Previews have become stylized editing accomplishments in the short, short film genre. Look for the short film The Preview of Duplicity, starring Julia Roberts and that guy, and for a wild cross genre piece, The Preview of Tyler Perry’s Madea Goes To Jail, which leaves theater-goers in disbelief.

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HOME TV TRENDS

A distracted cat might walk over the VCR/DVD/TV remotes and create a vertical zig-zag pattern on the screen, known only as Digital Bamboo.

VISUAL TRENDS

The video effect of taking still photographs and slowly moving the background or the subject, which has secretly been split into two layers, gives the now “moving” image a phony sort of life. I first saw this effect in the 2007 NBA Playoff commercials and appreciated it in that context, but the practice is spreading rapidly and last night I saw the effect being used in a documentary on the channel 13 or somewhere.

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VERBAL TRENDS

An ancient conversational gimmick making a comeback, has one person mimic what their companion has said in a voice more annoying or high pitched than the original.

To reply in deadpan fashion to questions asked by your parents.

When asked the time, to say the incorrect time, mixing up the numbers by mistake.

When visiting big cities, to comment in a blasé way to your friends about strangers passing in the opposite direction, with any remorse eased by the quickly accelerating two-way gap.

PHYSICAL TRENDS

A high five feels long gone forgotten and nowadays when someone initiates this act, the receiver of the five might waver uncertainly, before striking the hand with five, or getting slapped with five.

In colder regions, there is an added foot clap above the pavement, sneaker to sneaker, boot to boot, upon entering an automobile in the snow.

Sleeping with a pillow between one’s knees to aid correct alignment and give the sleeper life luck.

Tossing trash in the trash can in an abstract game winning shot in a parallel place.

No one has slid down a banister in a very long time.

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FRIENDSHIP TRENDS

The half-assed hug, missed calls, lots of fun, general sense of understanding, miraculously long history, loyalty, restaurant made food, lending, owing, and reminding about money, digging up of old photos, asking about one’s parents, one’s boyfriend’s parents, one’s girlfriend’s job, not very much liking a friend’s pet, being jealous of a friend’s pet, linking to old classmate’s naked blogs, comparing breast size by touch, visiting one’s sick horse, complaining about friends to girlfriend/boyfriend, complaining about girlfriend/boyfriend to friends in same day, playing voicemails on speaker phone while feeling a shiver of fear, waiting, being late for, dancing with, dancing around, trying to rev up the motivation to dance, arguing good naturedly and loudly down the street.

Rachel B. Glaser is the senior contributor to This Recording. She lives in Massachusetts, where she works in MS Paint and MS Word. Her blog is here.

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“Wooden Nickels” – Eels (mp3)

“A Daisy Through Concrete” – Eels (mp3)

“Estate Sale” – Eels (mp3)

“Tiger in My Tank” – Eels (mp3)

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PREVIOUSLY ON THIS RECORDING

Molly came back with an all-too-real Science Corner.

We dissed Long Island mothers.

What white people smell like.

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One thought on “In Which Everything Is Trending Up

  1. Hey Rach!
    All my google image searches now lead me back to The Recording. Have you noticed that when you spell check stuff Obama still comes up as a mis-spelled word. Someone should fix that.

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