Hard to Say is This Recording’s weekly advice column. It will appear every Wednesday until the Earth perishes in a fiery blaze, or until North West turns 40. Get no-nonsense answers to all of your most pressing questions by writing to firstname.lastname@example.org.
There is a guy in my statistics class who I will call Jim. We worked on a group project together in the class, and my friend Vena has also gotten to know him a bit. I was instantly attracted to him because of the way he treats people and carries himself. We have talked some after class and I would consider him a school friend.
My question is, what is the best way to approach Jim and tell him my feelings? If he was interested, wouldn’t he already have asked me out?
It is difficult for individuals of both sexes to properly determine who is romantically interested in them, especially when the persons concerned are simply no good at all when it comes to flirting.
This Jim sounds like a terrific catch, and I can’t even imagine how viscous his penis is given the right setting and lighting cinditions. If. I was feeling really cynical, I would tell you to ask out one of Jim’s friends or suddenly stop talking to him, but the problem is that if this Jim fellow is as clueless as he sounds, that might even put him more off the scent.
In your situation, a more direct approach could be necessary. Start by lightly touching an elbow or a knee in conversation. The innocent question, “Does this feel swollen to you?” has kindled the spark of many a relationship.
Then again, sometimes physical touch doesn’t do the job, especially if he is from a very touchy-feeling family background, or uses a lot of emoticons. You’ll have to take this to stage 2, which involves your friend telling Jim that “Kana is going through a tough time right now.” When he asks what’s going on, have your friend say, “It’s family stuff. I can’t tell you. You would have to ask her.” If he bothers to ask, checkmate. If he doesn’t, ignore him for a week or two and see what happens.
If none of these brilliant schemes get a response, you will have to become more direct. Asking someone to help with your classwork or to tutor you is always a classic. Inviting him to a group hangout can be extremely confusing and I suggest you avoid it. It’s best to just go and do something after class that he would enjoy without preplanning it beforehand. You know what he likes.
Once you get him one-on-one in a scenario that makes him comfortable, allow him to do most of the talking, except when you interject to disagree. This should be a good fifty percent of the time, since no one wants a wallflower. After the date, be encouraging but not overly so.
Illustrations by Mia Nguyen. Access This Recording’s mobile site at thisrecording.wordpress.com.
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