Not In Love
by ELEANOR MORROW
creator Sharon Horgan
Carrie Bradshaw (Sarah Jessica Parker) is very upset in her marriage with Mr. Robert Big (Thomas Haden Church). She explains that when she comes home early from work and she sees Bob’s car in the driveway, her heart sinks. She says that she wants to save her life while it still means something to her. The next morning Bob Big shows up in her bedroom and asks to give her an orgasm. “I’m going to lick your vagina and tongue dart your anus,” he explains while she begs him to stop.
Subsequently, Mr. Big suggests counseling. “We’ve been to counseling,” Carrie explains. She no longer does very much writing, although she still asks rhetorical questions out loud and never receives an answer. Carrie now has a twelve year-old daughter who she rags on a lot about brushing her teeth, and a teenaged son who takes the school bus, I guess because they don’t want him driving a car. Carrie used to love New York City but now she only sees it from the distance.
In a bit of shock, it turns out that Carrie wants to be in a love relationship with Julian (Jemaine Clement) who makes the most phenomenal granola. He orders a pizza for her. Sure, he seems little unconventional, but he is able to bring her to orgasm. When she tells him that she is getting a divorce, he says he is surprised. “You have kids,” he says. “I still have kids,” she responds. “We can’t even watch TV together because he repeats the jokes right after he hears them.” He loses his appetite for the pizza shortly thereafter.
It seems like even after matrimony, Carrie’s relationships with men are still basically surface-level. She has many of the economic goals she wanted to reach when she was a hot single in Manhattan, but she is still unhappy. “When did it start to go off the tracks in your mind?” he asks. Given a lack of other options, she has sex with her husband one last time. He is on top, kissing her forehead.
When Carrie’s friend Samantha finally tried to pursue a committed, monogamous relationship, it unraveled apart rather quickly. She tried to give him a three-way for his birthday, and she became really jealous that he looked so good for an older man. He ended up cheating on her and she forgave him, a couple times I think. She seems to have learned nothing from this.
When Mr. Big finds out about his wife’s affair, he locks his wife out of their house. It’s neat how Horgan begins her story in the deep of winter, making Long Island feel like a real place at times. Haden Church is a pretty ugly villain as Mr. Big, but you can totally believe that he would become a paunchy suburban father with no discernible personality of his own.
Parker herself looks almost exactly like she did so many years ago. Her haircut is a lot better, and she is a lot more believable when it comes to being a vulnerable woman in late middle age. Her sweaters look so soft, and while Divorce tries to tell us that she is really an unhappy person, we get the opposite impression from her general mien and how she carries herself. She rarely fidgets or sighs; she just is.
Eleanor Morrow is the senior contributor to This Recording.