In Which Pluto Needs To Be Loved Just Like Any Other Planet Does

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Plutian Love : An Outer Space Baby Making Soundscape

by Ben Lambert

Pluto is no longer a planet. But Pluto still has feelings.

Pluto isn’t a person, but Pluto has a heart.

Plutian Love.

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When the other planets stopped loving Pluto, Pluto was hurt.

Love can hurt.

Plutian Love.

Pluto still exists. Pluto can still love. Pluto loves music.

This is the music Pluto loves.

Plutian Love.

LAMBO PRESENTS FOR YOUR FEBRUARY LISTENING

(In association with This Recording and Laundromat United)…

Plutian Love : An Outer Space Baby Making Soundscape

This Recording Radio, Broadcast #2 – PLUTIAN LOVE: (mp3)

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Tracklist:

Space Intro – Steve Miller Band (non-playing mofo)

Love (Interlude) / Spacey Love- Rick James

You Are My Starship – Norman Connors

Rocket Love – Stevie Wonder

4:30 AM (Interlude) / Private Party – Sleepy’s Theme

Your Hands – Röyksopp

Mermaid – Sade

Tea Leaf Dancers (feat. Andreya Triana) – Flying Lotus

Bullet Proof Soul – Sade

Blac Mermaid – Society of Soul

Hurry Up This Way Again – The Stylistics

We Got To Work It Out – Taana Gardner

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Intimate Friends – Eddie Kendricks

Lovers Everywhere – LTD

Midnight Lovers – Passion

In The Mood – Tyrone Davis

Signal Your Intention – Hodges, James, & Smith

Station Identification (Interlude) – Mo B. Dick

Funky Ride – Outkast

Moments In Love – Art Of Noise

If Tomorrow Never Comes – Controllers

Portrait of Tracy – Jaco Pastorius

Munchies For Your Love – Bootsy Collins

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Catch up with This Recording Radio, download Broadcast #1

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Ben Lambert is musical director of This Recording

Lambo’s Aquarium

Lambo’s Tumbling Aquarium

Laundromat United

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PREVIOUSLY, ON THIS RECORDING:

Ben Lambert’s Birthday

Celebrities As Wee Little Babies

Spend A Day At Disneyland For Free

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In Which International Banking Seems To Have Gotten Sexier

Wasted Love

by Molly Lambert

“Jules, y’know, honey this isn’t real. You know what it is? It’s St. Elmo’s Fire. Electric flashes of light that appear in dark skies out of nowhere. Sailors would guide entire journeys by it, but the joke was on them. There was no fire. There wasn’t even a St. Elmo. They made it up. They made it up because they thought they needed it to keep them going when times got tough, just like you’re making up all of this. We’re all going through this. It’s our time at the edge.” – Rob Lowe, from the worst monologue ever

St. Elmo’s Fire
dir. Joel Schumacher, 1985
currently on hulu

The thing about screen-capping movies is that it can make almost any movie look great, just by virtue of being competent. Reduced to a series of stills, even the most mediocre movies generally look artfully composed and well lit. A glossy movie like St. Elmo’s Fire, then, looks like Gregory Crewdson photographs.

Ally Sheedy and Judd Nelson, the upwardly mobile 80s couple

The people behind hulu (aka “the calabash gourd”) are geniuses for stocking the movie section with exactly the kind of trash you would watch on, say, cable television. To wit there are lots of popcorn flicks, 80s movies, the occasional classic, and bizarro drek like Toys. I’d never seen St. Elmo’s Fire. It’s ideal for hulu.

I have always found the notion of always hanging out in a favorite bar sort of sad. I think it’s because I grew up in California, where the weather doesn’t necessitate that you spend a quarter of your year trapped inside one room or another. Also we have to drive, which makes getting drunk way less fun.

oh and Rob Lowe is a top-billed saxophone player in a local band

However I know that in towns like DC and Boston (and most other cold places), having a regular spot to gather and huddle for warmth is required. This movie makes DC look gorgeous.

Judd Nelson is the OG Chuck Bass, equal parts sex and sleaze. He plays the former center of the gang, now sliding into right wing yuppification and cheating on college sweetheart Ally Sheedy. He has a natural Jewish charisma to him.

but instead of a big portrait of Charlotte Rampling it’s a Nike ad

His 80s moderne white apartment recalls Stardust Memories, a movie whose poster hangs in the other apartment where all the other bros live. As in Gossip Girl, it riffs fluffily on the themes of Woody Allen films, focusing mainly on “infidelity” and “parties.”

St. Elmo’s Fire implies at least twice that vigorously stalking a woman is a good way to win her over. Although, to be fair, it allows alky coke slut Demi Moore to escape being draped by Rob Lowe. Which makes it all the weirder when he comes to her rescue at the end of the film. Say hey to Demi on twitter.

People you definitely do not want to see during your drug-fueled mental breakdown: guys who tried to acquaintance date rape u.

Emilio Estevez’s character recalls fellow eighties psychopaths Lloyd Dobler and Judge Reinhold in Fast Times At Ridgemont High by pining scarily for a rich med school babe and then being rewarded in the movie by the woman finding it charming and not filing a restraining order or punching him in the dick.

token 80s scene of white guy lip-syncing a classic soul song

In St. Elmo’s Fire, everyone thinks Andrew McCarthy’s character is gay because he hasn’t had sex in so long. There’s also a black lady prostitute who repeatedly comes on to him. This movie has all the grey racism you’d expect from such a white movie. It’s basically White Privilege: The Movie.

No, McCarthy isn’t an icily repressed gay (as in Less Than Zero). He is that other trope, the celibate writer suffering for their art. We know he’s a writer because he smokes cigarettes and broods, and we know he’s celibate because every other line is somebody asking him when he’s going to get laid.

In this movie, unlike in Less Than Zero (where he had the fool’s errand of competing with Robert Downey Jr.), McCarthy is actually somewhat hot. His chemisty with Ally Sheedy benefits from how incredibly androgynous they both are. Their hair is cut into identical matching shags. During the sex scene, when no boobs are showing it’s impossible to tell who is who.

Ally Sheedy’s pearl necklace is the only way to tell them apart

It also touches on that classic youth novel theme, the gayness of intense homosocial relationships. Is Kevin in love with Ally Sheedy, or is he really just in love with Judd Nelson? Is it possible that he’s in love with both of them, but only as a couple, and mostly for the ideals they represent? Ideals he ultimately knows to be false? These are interesting thorny questions, and even touched on by such superficial characters they resonate.

What St. Elmo’s Fire really anticipates is the genre known disaffectionately as mumblecore. A bunch of white kids sitting around talking shit, staying up all night drinking and pouring their hearts out, and ultimately dealing with issues of love, sex, and adulthood. It’s the French New Wave via Reaganomics.

like Jules And Jim, but really, really ridiculous and in the eighties

I was also reminded of Donna Tartt’s novel The Secret History, which is similarly eighties and about a klatch of wealthy white east coast college students who are supertight buds for reasons that turn out to be fascinating and kind of gross.

The part about splitting records became especially touching when I realized that modern couples don’t really have to chop up their mp3 collections when they break up.

“You can’t have the Pretenders first album. That’s mine. You can have all the Billy Joel. Except The Stranger. No Springsteen is leaving this house! You can have all the Carly Simons”

Ally Sheedy’s body languages says: she’s just not that into u

St. Elmo’s Fire also shows from both sides what it’s like when one person has been secretly harboring feelings for someone forever, and when given the chance to display those feelings goes overboard, which in turn repulses the object of their affections, who had no idea they were in so deep. Real talk.

From IMDB’s St. Elmo’s Fire trivia section:

Mare Winningham played a virgin while she was pregnant.

Emilio Estevez, Ally Sheedy and Judd Nelson all portrayed college graduates in this 1985 film, the same year all three actors also portrayed high school students in The Breakfast Club.

Demi Moore had a drug problem, much like her character when she was cast in the film. One day, director Joel Schumacher actually demanded that she leave the set because she was really high. Moore actually had to go through rehab and promise to stay clean in order to play a character with a drug problem.

Singer John Parr wrote “St. Elmo’s Fire” for the soundtrack. During a speech he said he was “not particularly thrilled” to be working on the film and that, motivation for the song actually came from a young man who had recently become paralyzed. “The wheels” of the Man in Motion referenced in the lyrics was popularly thought to mean the wheels of Demi Moore’s jeep, but actually refers instead to those of a wheelchair.

Movies That Share DNA With St. Elmo’s Fire:

Metropolitan

The Squid And The Whale

Wes Anderson, at his whitest

Reality Bites

High Fidelity

everything involving white kids talking about feelings

O to be a young white man in the U.S. in the 80s

Saints – The Breeders: (mp3)

Elmo Delmo – Stephen Malkmus: (mp3)

Baby’s On Fire – Brian Eno: (mp3)

Diamonds On Fire – Rubies: (mp3)

We gettin’ Arab Money!

Florida’s On Fire – Superchunk: (mp3)

Gazing At The Fire – Ignatz: (mp3)

I’ll Write Your Name Through The Fire – Shocking Blue: (mp3)

I’m On Fire – Dwight Twilley: (mp3)

Molly Lambert is the managing editor of This Recording

PREVIOUSLY ON THIS RECORDING:

In The City With Whitney Port And Chuck Bass

Alex Went To Deadwood And Came Back More Alive Than Ever

Lauren Bans Cherry-Picks The Alternative Oscars

In Which In The City There’s A Thousand Faces All Shining Bright

I’m Just So Tired Of All These Bride Wars

by Molly Lambert

Gossip Girl has been just okay for the past few weeks. Consequentially I ended up neck deep in MTV’s The Hills goes to New York spinoff The City. Did they give Whitney Port a voice coach? She still sounds weird and may or may not be a cylon.

Olivia Palermo’s stacked heels might weigh more than she does

The only decently entertaining character is the skinny bitch socialite (Olivia Palermo) when she’s not pretending to be nice. They’re setting her up to be the Heidi, but she’s already worse than Heidi. Heidi needed Spencer to be her Lady Macbeth.

Spencer Pratt is currently the most evil character in all of televisual fiction. The white blond Iago from Malibu easily smashes all competition (including the Real Housewives). Chuck Bass, Gossip Girl‘s opium den lurking bad boy is studded with numerous redemptive qualities (as is the sometimes annoying way of Josh Schwartz).

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Spencer Pratt, on the other hand, is a disgusting fleshtone bearded embodiment of pure evil. He’s like an allegorical character from a Hawthorne story, tempting good Puritans into a dark forest of staged photo ops and Taco Bell promotions.

I’m into the whole clash between the socs and the hipsters on The City. It reminds me of college. Both are just a bunch of rich kids fighting over whether it’s more alt/authentic to “slum it” or “embrace being wealthy.” I kind of side with the socs even though all of these people are assholes and I actually hate them.

Whitney girl, I will throw all of my shrimps on your barbie

My roommate Jess said, about the language barrier in Whitney’s relationship with (Australian Justin Bobby) Jay: “Are they having sex or what? All they’ve ever said is that they’ve been hanging out for a while. ‘Yes we like to hang out. we’ve been hanging out for some weeks now.'” I think that fairly astutely sums up the major problems of 21st century dating.

Daddy’s Girls, the Run’s House spinoff about Vanessa and Angela Simmons is much better than The City (which it follows). As befits MTV’s reality strategy, it’s basically a retrofitted Sex & The City in Los Angeles with black teen girls. So, it’s like a younger reality version of Girlfriends.

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I always liked Girlfriends. I haven’t seen it lately in syndication. Like a lot of UPN shows, Girlfriends got unfairly shafted by the network. They were denied the closure of a series finale while the net continued to court the WB’s young white audience (the one that watched Dawson’s Creek and watches the new 90210).

we r just some kute mileys trying to make it in the big apple!!!

Unlike the ridiculously vacuous company Whitney keeps on The City, the Simmons girls and their friends are delightful. They’re funny, bubbly, and actually nice to each other. They don’t narrate the events that are happening to them like LC and her idiot friends do (i.e. “I’m cold.” “I’m drinking Smart Water.” “I feel sad.”)

speaking of adorable famous black sister pairs

While they are still styled within an inch of their life and obviously “on” for the cameras, Vanessa and Angela just seem intrinsically charismatic in a way that The Hills girls never ever do.They appear to live in Los Feliz but shoot the show on a soundstage that is just a repainted version of LC’s old apartment from The Hills. Way to conserve in a shaky economy whilst pushing the constraints of reality, MTV!

tru luv New York style for Whitney and Jay in “The City”

Anyway speaking of alternate realities, the rumor is that the new Gossip Girl spinoff will actually be about Lily Van Der Woodsen growing up in LA as a rich valley girl in the 80s. Take it with a grain of salt, but that’s kind of brilliant. Cecily von Ziegesar’s other (ghostwritten) series The It Girl is about Jenny Humphrey in LA, but making it be a period prequel is genius.

tru luv San Fernando Valley style for young Nic Cage in “Valley Girl”

The other thing this brings to mind is the soap-within-a-soap on The OC called The Valley. If Lily were really a valley girl, and the show was Fast Times At Dawson’s Creek. Well, I know I’d watch. [Full disclosure: I grew up in the San Fernando Valley].

My brother pointed me towards this weird profile of fellow child of the valley Paul Thomas Anderson from Esquire’s “75 Most Influential People Of The 21st Century.” You should read it too.

DJ Screw: Biggie vs. Pac

Me And My Girlfriend (chopped & screwed) – 2Pac: (mp3)

Who Shot Ya (chopped & screwed) – Notorious B.I.G.: (mp3)

Hit Em Up (chopped & screwed) – 2pac: (mp3)

Hypnotize (chopped & screwed) – Notorious B.I.G.: (mp3)

PREVIOUSLY ON THIS RECORDING:

Magic Molly Young Reviews The Gossip Girl Book Series

Science Corner Brings Gremlins And Pterosaurs

Bridget Moloney Debates New York And Los Angeles

In Which We Promise Not To Apophallate You

SCIENCE CORNER ’09: Hey, Space Brother

by Molly Lambert

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Paleontologists claim they have unearthed a new type of pterosaur and a previously unknown sauropod dinosaur in the Sahara Desert.

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The banana slug, beloved mascot of UC Santa Cruz, has a weird mating habit. First of all, they have an enormous penis. (In fact, their latin name dolichyphallus translates to “giant penis.”) The average size of a banana slug penis is 6 to 8 inches. This is incredibly impressive, considering their entire body length is 6 to 8 inches as well! Banana slugs are hermaphrodites, so two slugs will try to fertilize each other.

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To mate properly, a slug must choose a mate roughly its own size – if it miscalculates, its penis will get stuck during copulation. This isn’t just an embarrassing faux pas, the other slug will actually bite off the stuck penis, a term scientists euphemistically called “apophallation.”

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wats ur fave color of am appy neon techno mice powder?

Psychedelic Mice Reveal Clues to Disease Transmission

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the rare pink iguana

An extinct phylum that made pearls, Conularids.

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Gremlins, thought extinct, found after 82 years.

Giant Marine Life Found In Antarctica, including jellyfish with 12-foot tentacles and 2-foot-wide starfish. Learn more about how Jellyfish are going to take over the world and enslave us all Cthulhu style.

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Salt Deposits a good indicator of Ancient Life On Mars

Frozen Semen Works in Rhinoceros Artificial Insemination

Yum, nootropics.

Some of the chemical pathways for physical pain and pain from social exclusion overlap. The physical pain system may have been co-opted to motivate social animals to respond to threats to their inclusion in the group. The physical-social pain overlap helps to explain the paradox that people who are threatened with social exclusion sometimes react with physical violence.

All octopuses are venomous but only a few species pose a significant threat to humans, such as octopuses in the genus Hapalochlaena which have a very poisonous bite.

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A few of the larger tropical cone snail species have a very poisonous sting. These bites and stings can sometimes be fatal.

Ouroboros researches aging.

Maximum Life Span.

Identical twins tend to die within 3 years of each other, whereas fraternal twins tend to die within 6 years. Aging theories associated with DNA include programmed aging (or programmed aging-resistance) and theories that link aging with DNA damage/mutation or DNA repair capability.

Molly Lambert is the managing editor of This Recording

PREVIOUSLY ON SCIENCE CORNER:

The Early History Of Robots

Plants That Want To Kill You

A Giant Silvery Cloud Over The City

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In Which We Let Sixteen Former Sixteen Year Olds Advise You

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“Dear everyone, this is all your fault…”

Ring in 2009 by being glad you’re not a teenager anymore. Unless you still are one, in which case good luck, you need it. Luckily our experts are here to provide you with plenty of helpful tips for surviving the most awkward period of your life.

THE COMPLEAT ARCHIVED WORKS ON ADOLESCENCE

Part One (Rebecca Wiener)

Part Two (John Gruen)

Part Three (Tess Lynch)

Part Four (Jessica Grose)

Part Five (Molly Young)

Part Six (Lucas Stangl)

Part Seven (Andrew Zornoza)

Part Eight (Rachel B. Glaser)

Part Nine (Andrew Lasken)

Part Ten (Kevin Porter)

Part Eleven (Jamie Galen)

Part Twelve (Anna Dever-Scanlon)

Part Thirteen (Will Hubbard)

Part Fourteen (Kara Wentworth)

Part Fifteen (George Ducker)

Part Sixteen (Molly Lambert)

SOME GOOD OLD TUNES 2 PLAY 4 ’09

409 (live) – The Beach Boys: (mp3)

A Thousand Years – Relatively Clean Rivers: (mp3)

Here We Are In The Years (live, ’76) – Neil Young: (mp3)

One Hundred Years From Now (alt. take) – The Byrds: (mp3)

New Age – The Velvet Underground: (mp3)

Year 1 – X: (mp3)

PREVIOUSLY ON THIS RECORDING:

Literary Tattoos For You

20 Best Albums Of 2008

New York, New York, It’s A Helluva Town