In Which Our Project Runway Review Sort of Runs Away From Itself

Mensa Runway

by Tyler Coates

Project Runway, week 3

This week’s P-Run invoked a lot of deep thoughts, and not just from me.

This week I learned that it’s really hard to make pants, especially if you’re a lady or if you’re Ricky, who can only make lingerie (although I haven’t seen any proof that he can do anything other than weep and wear trucker hats). P-Run tried to show me how hard it was to make a shirt, but I already knew that from the episode of The Cosby Show when Denise tried to make Theo a mock-Gordon Cartrell shirt and failed miserably.

Sweet P’s shirt didn’t look as bad as Denise’s, but I was surprised the judges didn’t reprimand too harshly. Compared to Carmen’s quick thinking, which resulted in a frilly blue dickie, Sweet P was saved from ending up in the bottom two.

I was an English major, and I spent four years of college arguing with my classmates about various literary characters and how likable they are. But no one I know reads Faulkner for shits and giggles, I’m reduced to having these kind of debates about reality television contestants. And I’m having these debates in my head. It’s a lonely life, but someone has to live it.

Jack: Project Runway‘s Temple Drake? Discuss.

Anyway, Jack is a complicated person. He’s got HIV, which is a bummer, obvs. Also, he seems like a genuinely nice guy, given he shared his pants pattern with Victorya and Carmen. And while I recognize all of the good things he does, I can’t get over how annoying he is.

There were TWO scenes last night where he’s seen physically carrying Christian into the work room (at one point in a TOTE BAG).

He also has rainbow stars tattooed onto his elbows, which I find more offensive than him submitting to Christian’s inflated ego / hair.

He’s a conflicted man, that Jack. He’s all too human, and he has the biggest boobs of anyone from this season.

From last week’s preview of this episode, it seemed like all hell would break lose between the designers and there’d be all kinds of pandemonium in the work room. Again, I was disappointed with the dearth of drama; the best thing we got was Carmen and Ricky sassing each other as they sewed their pants.

Even Elissa kept the crazy to a minimum: the only nutty thing she did was tell her male model that she couldn’t dress him because her boyfriend is the only man she can see half-naked. She has a moral code! I really see some inspiration from Benjy in The Sound and the Fury, don’t you?

And is it just me, or does Elissa have a minor case of Meth Mouth?

The gay designers (which does NOT include Kevin, you guys; he is straight) were all aflutter over the male models. I thought Chris might bite into one at his workspace, and perhaps Steven was considering taking one home to refrigerate for later.

“Boyz” — M.I.A. (mp3)

“Flakes” — Mystery Jets (mp3)

mystery jets website, go visit

I’ll be the first to admit that I didn’t know who Tiki Barber was because I don’t watch sports or The Today Show. I was more impressed with his judging skills; unlike Sarah Jessica Parker, he actually had opinions and wasn’t afraid to express them. And he worries about his big butt, which Heidi Klum apparently relates to.

Tiki is perfect for P-Run!

I was very surprised that Jack won, since he only had two pieces (instead of the required three), and those were very stripey. And, honestly, I thought the clothes just didn’t fit right.

Hey, if Tiki wants to look like he shops at H&M, he can go for it.

I was sad to see that Ricky stayed on the show, not necessarily because I think his suit was the worst (it wasn’t but it was bad), but because I’m really tired of his hats.

And just when I didn’t think Michael Kors could get any nuttier, he shouted at Carmen’s pants: “That crotch is INSANE!”

I’m sure you would know, Mike.

Tyler Coates is a writer living in Chicago. He blogs at Too Much Awesome.

This, my friends, is the face of a man who secretly loves an insane crotch.

“Gold Lion (Diplo’s Optimo Remix)” — The Yeah Yeah Yeahs (mp3)

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