In Which The Hills Are Starting To Look Suspiciously Like White Elephants

Sports Corner: Almost There

by George Ducker

As much as I would have enjoyed a Carolina win over Dallas on Saturday night–considering that Tony Romo and Matt Moore (the Panthers’ last QB standing, it would seem) came up through Cowboy training this year, and also considering the whole mess with Terrell Owens and Jessica Simpson–I had to take a loss with the rest of the Carolinas.

Interestingly, T.O. is going to have to take a bench next week, and perhaps for longer after suffering a high ankle sprain from a sprightly Panther who might have been paid off by Ms. Simpson herself. Interesting how these things turn out.

For next week, the folks at ruinromo.com want you to wear the mask while you watch the game.

“How Long Has This Been Going On? (Live)” – Rufus Wainwright: mp3

Carson Palmer, Derek Anderson. “My breath smells like wins, betch!”

The Browns’ QB Derek Anderson seemed to suffer a nervous breakdown on Sunday, throwing at least two picks before the first half (I stopped counting) and before the Browns could score even one point.

Paul Schneider could play Anderson in Any Given Sunday 2, directed by George Clooney.

The Bengals wiped the floor with Cleveland. This was nice irony as the game mirrored a late-season game some years back when the Bengals, needing only a win to clinch the playoffs, were beaten handily by the Browns who were already way out of the running. If I was a better football fan I would know which year this was. Cleveland can still squirm into a wild card, but only if they win next week and Tennessee loses (at home) to the Jets. If you were a better fan, you would know what the odds of this are.

“Fiery Crash” – Andrew Bird: mp3

Urlacher, Farve.

In Chicago, Brian Urlacher was the spoiler. He picked off a 4th quarter pass by Brett Farve that, I swear to God, froze in mid-air. Urlacher ran that interception 85ish yards for a touchdown. The on-field temperature with windchill was a whopping 2 degrees. It’s enough to make you glad you live in a city with no weather at all.

“Foggy Day (live)” – Rufus Wainwright: mp3

Oak Park High School Lightweight Football Team, 1915

You can find your timeless Hemingway quote here. For example, I was trying to find the one where the girl who just had the abortion says to the guy, “All we ever do is try new restaurants.” But I didn’t have the $2.99. Perhaps with a corporate sponsorship, I would have been able to find it.

Corey Webster, Roscoe Parrish.

Giants are in the playoffs! This means nothing, as I’m sure they’ll get clobbered in the first round before they even get off the bus. Eli Manning’s bubblegum offense is about a lame as they come, but I wish them the best regardless.

Belle & Sebastian new Xmas single here. And yes, this has everything to do with football.

In this week’s episode of Plummer Watch, we find the inimitable Jake ensconced in Sandpoint, Idaho, chillin with new Bronco bride Kollette Klassen, and discovering the highs and lows of handball.

Okay. We’ve seen him look better.

Although he is still classified as A/Open which mean he can compete in the more serious of handball tournaments, there is little chance he’ll be putting on a uniform anytime soon, Tampa Bay or otherwise.

A bit of a hippie

“I think he’s happy to be away from this world doing his own thing,” Broncos placekicker Jason Elam said. “He’s with his lady and he’s enjoying himself. He’s a mountain man and a bit of a hippie at heart. Now he can be that hippie a little bit more.”

A mountain man.

It’s probably worth noting that Sandpoint is 524-ish miles from Ketchum, Idaho. If you were a better reader, you’d know what that means.

“Mountain Jam” (yes, the whole thing) – The Allman Brothers: mp3

On that note, Merry Christmas. From Jake, from Hem and from myself.

George Ducker admits that you know much more about sports than he does. He likes to visit South Carolina from time to time, if only to remind himself how great Clemson is.