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The Gingestrel Show
by Molly Lambert
Mad Men fever continues to sweep the nation, which is awesome not least of all because Sterling-Cooper would love any product that spawned so many advertising tie-ins. Harry Crane and the television division would be all over it.
So I wonder if red hair dye is spiking due to Christina Hendricks as Joan Holloway? While in a recession women cut back on most beauty luxuries, they also get depressed. And what better way to fight depression and malaise than to dye your hair? I wouldn’t know, I’m all natural. Have I mentioned that before?
There is still no known cure for true Gingerism
I am always looking for a new Shirley MacLaine to cling to, but even she was not really a redhead. Consider how much upkeep goes into dyeing and maintaining hair color, especially red which fades out super quickly, it’s incredible how many of the most famous gingers are actually totally faux. I’m sure blondes have the same complaint, but who gives a fuck about them?
I’ll Always Love You Fran Kubelik
So many notable redheads are just practitioners of the old racist tradition known as gingestrelsy, attempting to cash in on the edgy outsidery cachet of red hair. Sometimes I see fake ginger hipsters out parading as redheaded stereotypes, pretending all the while that they are authentic, and I feel like I’m watching the montage from the end of Bamboozled.
this is what being naturally Ginger is really like
For shame, would-be rangas. You might pass in polite society, but when it comes time for the annual Council Of Gingers Red Sabbath you will all be ferreted out and exposed for fakes. O how the blood will flow! As red as your real hair color is not.
NATURAL BLONDES & BRUNETTES MAKING A LIVING PASSING FOR REDHEADS:
Lucille Ball: This most famous icon of redheads was naturally brunette, and spent a long time as a peroxided blonde before going ginger. She was also a model and Chesterfield cigarette girl early on in her career.
O Lucy, U Wacky Blondehead!
Margarita Hayworth, before her studio makeover
After deciding she’d look better de-ethnicized, Columbia Pictures had Cansino’s widow’s peak permanently electrolycized, her hair dyed bright red, and she became the “Love Goddess” bombshell and popular wartime pin-up known as Rita Hayworth.
Shirley MacLaine: star of Sweet Charity, older sister of Warren Beatty, new age kook, and natural brunette.
Christina Hendricks: Don’t worry, I’m completely sure the naturally blonde Christina Hendricks doesn’t have implants. Even though her red hair color is fake, her gigantic boobs and the rest of her ridiculously proportioned figure is all real. Now you can sleep at night. Or not sleep and think about Joan.
Isla Fisher: Natural (Top), Amy Adams: Dye Job (Bottom)
Susan Sarandon: Janet Weiss, Annie Savoy, Brunette
Debra Messing: Grace, Starter Wife, Brunette
Molly Ringwald: Breakfast Clubber, Brunette,
Clara Bow: It Girl, used henna, Brunette,
Kate Walsh: from Private Practice/Grey’s Anatomy Brunette
Tori Amos: Piano Lady, Cornflake Girl, Brunette
Neko Case: Torch Singer, Brunette
Gillian Anderson: FBI Agent Dana Scully, Lily Bart, Blonde
Julia Roberts: Liz Phair’s camp frenemy, Blonde
Emma Stone: from Superbad and The Rocker, Brunette
Ginger Spice: Girl Powerer, Brunette
Laura Prepon: That Seventies Scientologist
Lindsay Lohan: famously betrayed her red roots for blondehood after Paris Hilton called “firecrotch” a few thousand times. You take advice from Paris Hilton? She has nasty Fraggle hair!
Nicole Kidman: who was maybe a blonde to begin with
Molly Lambert is managing editor of This Recording
YOUR ROOTS ARE SHOWING
At The Same Time – R. Kelly: (mp3)
Skin – R. Kelly: (mp3)
Son Of A Bitch – R. Kelly: (mp3)
Two Seater – R. Kelly: (mp3)
Wanna Make A Baby – R. Kelly: (mp3)
PREVIOUSLY ON THIS RECORDING:
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